Positively Thinking Positive

“Look on the bright side!” “Things could be worse.” “Be a little more optimistic, and maybe things will turn out better.” I’ve heard all these things before, and much more. What does it mean to be positive all the time? How do some consider others “negative thinkers”? Is there a way to consider yourself realistic, taking and saying things the way they are, or even just having a cynical view of the world, and not be considered negative or pessimistic? Like I always say, I feel it lies in the necessary balance.

Being negative is focusing and concentrating on the bad events of your life, or just your day. Like if some stupid driver pisses you off, and you gripe about it all day, then your thinking negatively. It’s also considered negative if you beat yourself up all the time; living in your in-securities. You focus on thinking about what others could be thinking, wondering what they are saying about you. You need absolute reassurance that they enjoyed something you said or did. Otherwise, if they don’t say anything, then you automatically assume the worst.  Anything that is intrusive, aggressive, upsetting, depressing, or inappropriate is negative. This can lead to being a manic depressant, having OCD, or an anxiety disorder.

In my world, if something upsets me, then I express it. I can’t stop feeling, and it needs to come out instead of keeping it inside. I don’t see myself as focusing on it, or having it ruin my day. I just have strong feelings and opinions. I can say that I do think and look way too much into a lot of things, and I’m very insecure, but the way I see it is that I depend on others to like and enjoy what I’m doing because I don’t just do things for myself. I do things that help me stay grounded and sane, but I do it ultimately in hopes to help, teach, or inspire someone. In order for me to be happy, I have to make others happy.  I say certain things about people, and the way things are going in the world, and I speak about how much it upsets me, but I’m not trying to be negative. I’m just saying the facts of what is going on, and expressing my feelings. I’m empathetic to those who are treated wrong, and unequally. I’m a huge idealist with firm opinions. I believe things can be the way we all want. We just have to convince the majority of the population that it can work, and we can all do it together, but there are too many skeptics. These are the ones I feel as negative. The ones who just avoid the things around them because they “don’t want to worry about it”. If it’s not happening to them in their life, then they don’t care. I’m not saying that I’m doing everything right because I’m not. There’s so much more that I can/should  be doing to help, but I too am stuck in this zombified world. I can say I’m speaking out and doing more than some. I’m noticing and realizing certain things, and I’m beginning to prepare. I’m looking for my “call to action”, or my “open door”. So, to me, saying that we live in a messed up world full of ridiculous people upsets me, and we should ban together to do something about it; is basically saying what is real, not being negative.

Being positive is looking on the bright side of life. Forgetting the bad things, and remembering the good. Instead of saying, “That damn driver! Could’ve killed someone!” You say, “Well, at least I didn’t die, and I made it to my destination safely.” Always concentrate on your strengths, and don’t fret over your weaknesses. Positive thinking is like a muscle that you just work, learn to use it, and it gets stronger. Whatever it takes in order to make you feel better and happy about your future is being optimistic or positive. If you concentrate on all these things, and feel it inside you; know that’s what you want and what you can get, then, you will attract all that you want. You will feel brighter, and others will say, “There’s something different about you.” You will realize and notice that you enjoy your life much more than before. All you have to do, is stay positive.

I believe this 300%, but it’s easier said than done. That’s why I think it should be about the balance. I mean, let’s face it, shit’s going to happen, and you’re going to feel negative about it at some point. So, why runaway from it,  or block it? Embrace it, appreciate it, and learn from it. If you had to put yourself on a strict diet with no sugar, then how often would you think, “Damn, a doughnut sounds real freakin’ good right now”? I’d think about it every second. But if I just gave myself restrictions, I’d be better off.

When I put myself on a diet with no sugar, I really mean I can put sugar in my coffee and tea, and have one doughnut twice a week, but that’s all. I’d have myself a comfort zone and feel more inclined to probably put less sugar in my drinks because I’ll know that I’ll get what I really want, eventually, and soon. I’d have a goal for the week. Work my butt off for that delicious doughnut.. Mmmmm...




Sorry, went off on a tangent. Really thinking about doughnuts. Back to where I was, which was balancing positive and negative thinking. That says it right there. You have to balance it, otherwise it won’t work. How many things work with just the negative end of a battery? Or just the positive end? Right now, I can’t think of anything. I always see the + AND - symbols. That tells me you need both. Maybe I’m just blind.

I think it goes back to when I was a kid. All of us as kids said some nasty things to others. I would tell my sister, “You’re stupid.” Then, Mom would say, “Tell your sister you’re sorry” or, “Take it back!” For one, sorry can only go so far. Sometimes, sorry just doesn’t cut it. Secondly, you can’t take something back, it’s already been said. It’s out there. She already thinks I think she’s stupid. Sometimes some people remember moments like that all their life. It’s weird, but they do. I do. That’s why I think it should balance, or positive out weigh the negative. So, my mom could have said, “Okay, that means you better say you’re sorry, and say two nice things about her.” Cancel the negative out, and end on a positive. That sounds reasonable to me.

Next time your pissed off at a crazy driver, remember how upset you got, and what you said, then try and make sure that you feel equally as you did in that situation with a positive situation, and use equally positive words to express yourself about it. It may be a long shot, but it could work in your favor. At the end of the night before you go to bed you can say, “That damn driver pissed me off, but I got to eat the heck out of that lovely doughnut.”

I think if someone tells you they think you’re a negative person, then they have a personal problem with negativity. Meaning, they obviously don’t know how to overlook your negativity, and just continue being positive themselves. They certainly aren’t offering to help. So, when someone tells you, “You’re a sweet person, but you’re so negative", then they block you from contact,  you tell them, “Well, now that’s not very positive.”

If I do feel like I’m in a negative slump, then I have certain things that I like to do.
1) Read positive motivating quotes
2) Watch things I know will make me laugh
3) Read an uplifting book
4) Set a small short goal and achieve it
5) Write
6) Make art
7) Ask others for help and kind words
8) Exercise
9)Cuddle with my dog, Max
10) Drink and/or take drugs to pass out

All these things and more make bad days easier and faster to get through. Whatever it takes to make you feel better and get happy, then that’s the right positive thing to do. Always make sure your balanced.

I bought three books the other day to help be more positive: ‘The Daily Book of Positive Quotations’ by Linda Picone, ‘The Secret’ by Rhonda Byrne, and ‘The Happiness Project’ by Gretchen Rubin. I read the dated page everyday for the daily quotations. The quotes are great, thoughtful, and inspiring. I’ve started reading ‘The Secret’. I really like it and I have already seen the documentary movie over it, which is why I bought the book. I know I will like it because this movie told me things I already knew, but it put it in a manner where I could understand and relate. It hit me in the head, “Duh!” It also brought some light into things I didn’t know, which is better.I recommend the book and movie to everyone, especially those with depression, negative, or financial troubles. I haven’t started the other book, but it seems really cool and interesting.

What I’m trying to say is that you should never always be negative, or positive. They are both going to happen because they have to, and there’s no changing. Just lean more on the positive side. Don’t get so focused on avoiding real things that are there just because you “don’t want to worry about it”. As depressing as the world may be, you have to know what’s going on. Watch, learn, and understand the negative side to use it to your advantage. “Keep your friends close, but keep your enemies closer” can fit in this situation. Not only am I trying to convince you of all this, but I’m also convincing myself. I hope this helps people who need it like I did. Even if it just made you giggle, it’s an achievement.

“How far you go in life depends on your being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving, and tolerant of the weak and strong. Because someday in your life you will have been all of these.” ~ George Washington Carver, the quote for December 8 in ‘The Daily Book of Positive Quotes’







“One piece of wisdom that didn’t resonate with me initally was the importance with keeping happy memories vivid. But as I mulled over this principle, I realized the tremendous value of mementos that help prompt positive memories. Studies show that recalling happy times helps boost happiness in the present.When people reminisce, they focus on positive memories, with the result that recalling the past amplifies the positive and minimizes the negative.” ~ Gretchen Rubin in her book ‘The Happiness Project’

“Another thing people wonder about is, “How long will it take to manifest the car, the relationship, the money?” I don’t have any rule book that says it’s going to take thirty minutes or three days or thirty days. it’s more a matter of you being in alignment with the Universe itself.” ~ Dr. Joe Vitale from the book ‘The Secret’

A Look in the Mirror

If you read my last post about Black Friday, then you will know most of the story here. After those comments that I posted, some more messages went back and forth. I won't post, or tell people word for word unless people actually care. All in all, it was a bunch of insulting personal remarks. After searching through all the comments it boils down to him calling me stupid, obese, rude, offensive, disrespectful, self-centered, self-righteous, arrogant, a jerk, a hater, jealous, have anger issues, pompous, and an idiot. All from a small initial remark.

I never once said something insulting to him. He says I was implying insults. I would like to clarify that I said I thought it was ridiculous that people wait 8 hours, and camp to buy cheap things. Some people think the war is ridiculous. Some think watching football is ridiculous. People don't get offended if you say something like that. Then, it comes down to the fact I said that consumerism initiates a major problem in our world/society. That means people wait and fight for things. People get shot, pepper sprayed, etc... Only to buy something that will probably not get used that much, and just wasted in the end. When you throw something out, where does it go? There can only be so many hand-me-downs, or re-selling items. Do they recycle all of this stuff that is being consumed. Do they donate all of this stuff to needy people? In some cases yes, but it only goes so far. Imagine if we all had to wait and fight for food and water. If people act like this for buying things, then everyone will probably kill each other. I'm not trying to be pompous or self-righteous. I'm just discussing things that I've seen and witnessed. I understand that consumerism is giving jobs to people, but it's really not because if it were, then there wouldn't be so many out of jobs. Big places replace people with machines, or people who will work harder for cheaper, am I wrong? How much does it cost to make a TV? We'll say for these purposes $80. Now, on a regular basis, they may sell this TV for $300. Now, Black Friday comes along, and they do one of two things, make the TV worth $40, and sell it for $150; or just sell the $80 for $200. Sure, you're getting an item closer to the value, but is it worth it?

Whatever, it doesn't matter. What matters is he insulted me when I made a general remark. I started to take up for myself, and never used negative words, or insulted him. Then, he says for me to leave him alone, or it will be considered harassment. But how can I just take it? I feel like I'm not standing up for myself if he gets the last word and says horrible things about me. I don't think I'm any of these bad things, and I wouldn't think I would be like this. Obviously, there is some truth. I lost a different "friend" because they thought that I was one, if not all these things. Not only did this other person stop being my friend, but they blocked me completely. I was just with this person on Thanksgiving, and I don't believe I did anything wrong towards them, but I guess I did.

This is where I start to feel torn apart. I'm trying to re-evaluate my life now. I don't know what to do with myself. I'm just trying to be me, and all I want is for everyone to be happy, get treated equally, and people get what they deserve. I'm trying to continue my life, and be positive, but even when I'm trying to be positive and fight for what I think is right, I still get insults. I'm not trying to say that I'm right. Everything I say and do is right. That's not me. I'm an idealist with firm opinions. I know I shouldn't care what other people think, but I do when my motivation is to take care of others. That's my job, literally, to cater to people's needs.

I guess I'm just trying to be respectful and be the bigger man and leave this person alone, even though it's killing me. Now, I'm trying to justify myself here on my public blog. I want to prove I do not fit any of these insulting remarks, but I don't know how. How can I fix something I don't see? After losing this one person, I really feel sick to my stomach. I wish people would just communicate with me, and help me if I need it. I thought I'd been feeling good recently, and just rolling with the tide. This being after my depression stage, now I feel my life in a tumble again. Is my life going the direction I want it, or where it's supposed to go? I still haven't found my place anywhere. No "home". I don't fit in. Should I just stick to cooking? Should I continue writing and acting? Should I just live my life in solitude? I mean, I feel really bad, and confused with everything.

Who is this person staring back at me? It's not the same as in the past, but is it who I wanted to see for the future? Is this who I want to see now? Where will you go? What will you do? Who will you be? The image changes constantly.

 "We judge ourselves by what we feel capable of doing, while others judge us by what we have already done."~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

"Life is like a permanent job interview. We walk into the interview feeling as if we are capable of doing almost anything- if life just gave us a chance. But life insists on asking us what we've actually done. A kind person is a person who acts kindly to others. An honest person is a person who tells the truth and is fair to others. Understanding what others see in us can help us become more like the person we perceives ourselves to be. I wonder what others think when they look at me. I will take a hard look at myself to make sure my actions align with the person I believe I am." ~ from 'The Daily Book of Positive Quotations' by Linda Picone

Black Friday 2011

What I'm going to do is post a conversation I had with someone. They are unnamed out of respect. Some may know what I'm talking about, but many won't. It shows my thoughts and feelings on Black Friday, and shows a view of someone on the other side. I will let you all read and come up with things on your own, so you can decide what really concerns you. Note, this is not a personal attack to anyone, but merely my opinions, and the opinion of another, but I think the topic and issues at hand are very important right now. I will have some closing remarks, and videos at the end. Please, feel free to have open discussions in the comments section.

 Conversation:

Initial statement from ME:

So, at about 4ish today, I drove by Best Buy to see many many people waiting outside for them to open at midnight. You realize how ridiculous you people are, right?

2nd statement from ME (regarding someone saying that they are waiting until 4-6am to shop).

‎1) still feel like it will be crowded 2) You may not get the shoes you want and 3) the other 2 make it all not worth shopping at all. It's just stuff, and manufacturers plan for this crap, so, when you buy cheaper, you get cheaper products. Jus sayin'...

1st Statement from THEM:

 I actually take offense. When it comes to video games and other such electronic equipment, you are getting the same product you would at half the price. You can think that's ridiculous, I think it's a good deal.
Also, how ridiculous were we when you drove out simply to look at us? Haters gonna hate I guess.




ME:
I was driving to Pluckers, and Best Buy was on the way, and some of those ridiculous people were also disrespectful and stupid because they were in the way of others actually trying to get places. Stopping in the middle of the road to unload groups to sit and wait. I still stand firm on the fact that even video games and electronic equipment are just things. Why go through all that trouble to get something, that pretty much had no life value, only because it's cheaper. There are other things some people can spend their time and money on other than waiting to compete with others in order to buy things cheap. I like electronics and games as much as the next person, but I don't schedule my life to get these things cheaper before everyone else. It all instigates the overall problem with our world/society.

THEM:
Listen, you can sit there and spout "It's just things, man" but if you like video games as much as you say, you appreciate the value of a good deal. And I honestly believe the bigger problem in society is people, such as you, who think they are superior to everyone else. Elitism does exist, as you prove by living and breathing. I'm sorry I got in your way because I enjoy getting the people I care about gifts for the Holidays. Sorry I don't have enough money to blow, but I think you should be a little respectful toward those of us that aren't made of money. Also, Pluckers? "That's just wings, man." And in the end you were doing the same thing I was, spending money in public.

ME:
I never said I was superior to everyone else. I was only wondering why people do these things, which only involves the people camping hours at a time to buy things. I feel the same way about people camping to see movies. Wait a little bit, and when things die down, then go, and get a better experience. I do appreciate the value of a good deal, but I'm not going to wait and fight for it when I didn't need it. I didn't go to Plucker's to spend money in public. I went to watch the football game because I don't have cable, and I didn't have to wait 8 hours to do all of that, so, how does it compare to the situation? I never said that I have plenty of money to blow. I'm not made of money, I work hard, and conserve my money for things that work better for me. If video games make things better for you, then great, play them, buy them. That still doesn't make me understand the major point of camping out for hours to get "value out of a good deal". People don't camp outside waiting to vote. If people did, then maybe voting would matter more, and make more of a difference to a larger majority. Notice, I'm speaking about a large majority of public, not taking personal attacks. You sir, made this whole ordeal personal, which is not cool. I sympathize with you, and apologize you took offense to a general statement of wonderment. I hope things start working out better for you.

THEM:
    Let me start off with saying I have no ill feelings toward you, nor do I think of you in a negative light. I know you didn't like me when we first met, I believe it had to do with [deleted for personal reason] not that it matters, but since that point I believe we have always been cordial and friendly, and I don't intend for that to change.

    Calling you an elitist was a bit personal, but let's be honest, this had already taken a personal turn. I'm not sure if you intended to say this, as I've always known you to be a mostly kind person, but calling me stupid, disrespectful and a part of the major problem with society and/or the world made this personal, and frankly, it ticked me off and hurt my feelings.

    I decided to send you this message instead of posting [in public] with an argument, which I also honestly don't even feel like arguing in general.

    I guess we are just going to have to kindly agree to disagree, as you don't seem to understand the point I'm trying to make, which is saving money on gifts for Holidays is not ridiculous, and honestly very understandable behavior.

    P.S. Thanks for the concern, but I'm actually doing good. Hope you are well.

ME:
Okay, see that's what I was saying. If you read the comment. I didn't call YOU stupid, disrespectful, or part of the problem. I said,

“I was driving to Pluckers, and Best Buy was on the way, and some of those ridiculous people were also disrespectful and stupid because they were in the way of others actually trying to get places. Stopping in the middle of the road to unload groups to sit and wait.”

How does this even remotely relate to you? Were you one of those people in [deleted] Best Buy near [deleted]? I don’t believe you were.

It’s the whole idea of making shopping a huge deal and festival that is the problem. How do you think people feel who can’t afford even the sales? I mean, all this consumerism just beats them down and makes them feel worse, and kids think that their parents don’t care or love them because some other freakin’ kid has cooler toys.

How is buying things the most important and best thing to give someone over the holidays. You enjoy the simple pleasures. Be there, do things, help out, show your care and love. All that costs is time and effort, which is free as far as money is concerned. 

Not only did you call me an elitist, but count how many times you said “you” in all of your comments. Now, count how many times I said "you" in all my comments. The term “you” is a direct personal statement.

There was absolutely no reason for you to take anything personally, except maybe because I said it’s ridiculous for people to wait 8 hours to get in a store to compete with others and fight for something on a good sale. People are dying and getting pepper sprayed because of shopping. How does that not sound ridiculous? I believe I do understand what you’re saying. I don’t believe you understand my point.

I am a kind person, and I’m trying to get people to realize that there are better things to do for your loved ones rather than buying gifts at cheap prices. Make them something. Buy from the heart, and don’t be concerned with what is in your pocket. And once again, my ultimate statement concerned waiting and camping for 8 hours or more to get in a store and buy things. That has nothing to do with buying cheap holiday gifts. The focus is put on the waiting portion.

We do have to kindly agree to disagree. You need to not take things so personal, then start blasting someone on public sites about things you have no idea about. I don’t appreciate it.

And why bring up the past? No, I didn’t like you because [deleted personal] Pure jealousy I admit, but that has no regards to the present moment.



END CONVERSATION


So, who is out of line here? What are your thoughts, opinions, and feelings? I personally don't like the holidays because of all of this nonsense. I admit, I bought things, but it was a few books and movies. I bought my little sister something, and my mother something. It's not much, but it came from the heart, and I know they will love it. I didn't have to wait any amount of time, or fight anyone, and it was still cheap. I'm trying to write a holiday story and read to the family as a gift. Is that bad? Does that make me a bad person?

All these "things" people buy just get thrown out and wasted in the end. No one is crowded outside their city hall making sure all this waste isn't waste, and I feel that is a more important issue, not shopping.
There are people "occupying Wall Street" for money reasons causing riots and such, and yet, there is still Black Friday. Some places apparently have music, food, and stuff for the people who are waiting. It's a Shop Fest. Just pushing people to buy more stuff. If the government gets control like they want to, then people will start thinking, "Oh, maybe I should have spent money buying food, water, weapons, or brushing up on my survival skills, instead of waiting and fighting for that 52" LCD screen that I'll never get to watch cool shit on anymore."This whole thing just goes to show you more of what really happens during the holidays.

I mean...I don't know. I'm purely baffled, and feel justified that I've made my point. I'm ready to have discussions if anyone feels the need.

Very Harold and Kumar 3-D Christmas Review

     Okay, I've been thinking it's kind of weird that I've never written a movie review on my blog, or at all really. I love movies, and feel I'm very knowledgeable about them. I would really like to start making my own. For now, I watch, study, enjoy, and continue to be simply be addicted to them. Oddly enough, my first review will be on Harold and Kumar 3, yes, that's right.

Not to say that this movie was so spectacular that I just had to write about it, I want to write a review, and this is the most recent movie I've seen in theaters. I thought this movie was ridiculously funny. It's the same dumb humor as the other two. They find themselves running around getting into shit, after they haven't seen each other in years. Harold is married to the ever so beautiful Maria, played by Paula Garces. Kumar lives in his apartment, is a huge stoner, and is still dealing with the break-up with Vanessa, who is also gorgeous. Kumar recieves a package addressed to Harold, and Kumar decides to to bring Harold the package, even though it's been so long. That's where everything unfolds.

Possible spoilers from here on out.

Kumar's friend, Adrian takes Kumar to Harold's house and is with him throughout majority of the movie. Harold's friend, Todd (Officer Dangel from Reno 911), has his little girl with him. A lot of the comedy comes from Todd, and his little girl being involved in many situations with Harold and Kumar.

Harold has just met Maria's whole family who came to stay for the holidays. Maria's Dad is played by Danny Trejo ('Machete'), who I think is awesome. Harold gets a huge holiday lashing from the father about his choice of Christmas Tree, and has brought his own that he took 8 years to grow. Maria and the family leave for mass, and Harold is in charge of making the tree look perfect. Here's when Kumar arrives.

Harold hears Kumar slip on the sidewalk, and comes out. He invites him in to catch up. Harold opens the pakage to find a huge joint. Kumar lights it and Harold throws it out the window, but, of course, it magically glides out the window, into another window, and onto the Christmas Tree. The tree catches fire, and they push it out the window. Harold blames Kumar for it all, and asks him to leave.

Here's where they get the motivation for the movie. Kumar tries to do something special and find a tree for Harold, and Harold is doing the same. They run back into each other, and work together to find another tree while running into trouble and some great characters.

They go to a party full of young teens playing beer pong, having sex, and doing all kinds of drugs. The kids throwing the party at their house are children of a mob boss, Elias Koteas (Stuart in 'Look Whose Talking'). The mob boss's daughter tries to get her virginity taken from Adrian and Harold. That's when daddy walks in. Todd, Adrian, and Todd's little girl are trapped in the closet. The little girl is hyped up on cocaine, and high after being smoked out with marijuana by Kumar, and the boss sits outside the door, not knowing they're in the closet. Harold and Kumar got drugged at the party, and are running around in clay-mation land through the city.

They also run into Neil Patrick Harris, duh, while he is singing and dancing for a holiday show. You may have seen Neil die in the second, but if you watch after the credits you see a surprise. Of course, NPH gives his story on how he's alive, and it has nothing to do with the surprise, but it's really absurd and funny.

Then, Harold and Kumar are stranded somewhere in the city. Harold finds a shotgun and shoots it in the air, hoping someone will hear it and help them, but he ends up shooting Santa in the face as he is passing by delivering gifts. Kumar's medical experience pays off big, and Santa gives them a ride home.

There's a happy ending, and a slight moral value at the end. Overall, I liked the movie. It compares more to the first movie, rather than the second. There's a lot of stupid jokes, but jokes compared to the original, and not the constant racial sterotype jokes as the sequel; although there are race jokes in this one. This movie is also really fun and cool to watch in 3-D. They do alot of comedic neat things throughout specifically for 3-D entertainment. In one of NPH's last lines in the film he references a fourth movie...I'd watch it.

I give it 8 out of 10, two thumbs up with a goofy smile, and a deep belly laugh.

World Trading Disasters

As per request, I’m going to tell my side of the other day that will live in infamy. I’ve been waiting on a time when I feel like I can do a general rant, and focus on 9/11. In order for me to get the full side/story out, I’m going to get personal, and describe my day that day. Basically, I’m going to answer the old question of, “Where were you when the towers fell?” Then, I’ll slip into my thoughts and views as the years have progressed.

The day the towers fell, 9/11/01, I was 15 and a student at Orangefield High School. I was in my Chemistry class, and the bell rang for us to go to our next class. I’m walking down the hallways, and I’m hearing commotion. I couldn’t tell what everyone was saying, but I knew it was bad. I got scared for like a bomb threat, a school shooting, or something. I just continued to my class, History class, which still to this day makes me laugh that I was going into History to see history, from my Chemistry class which can teach you how to make bombs. Crazy shit, right? Anyway, my teacher was staring intently at the TV. Everyone was watching. People gathered in the halls to stop and watch. I sat down in my seat, at the front near the TV. We were entranced by the the first tower just billowing with smoke. As we are all viewing, we see the second plane hit. I couldn’t believe it. I saw on national TV, along with everyone else, a terrible tragedy that would forever stain my mind, and everyone’s life. I then heard reports of people jumping to their death. It’s horrific. No matter who was the cause of this, they are horrible people and deserve to suffer the worst karma imaginable. If this wasn’t tragic enough, I had to leave school during the whole shit to go to my grandmothers rosary (Catholic viewing of the recently deceased). It was my dad’s mother, she was awesome. Some great memories of her, but that’s a whole other story (may she rest in peace).

After the rosary we all went back to my grandparents house to eat and mourn. My grandfather didn’t take it well at all, but that’s understandable, especially with his situation. While we were there we had the news on, and they kept repeating the planes hitting, the towers collapsing, and Osama Bin Laden being the man in charge. I don’t ever remember the President speaking or anything. The entire day continued to be depressing.

A few months or years passed, and they eventually came out with the 9/11 documentary film that was the one that started off revolving around the firefighter in NYC, then follows them to the towers. It was intense. It gets you literally inside the towers. You can hear bodies of the people jumping hitting the concrete. In some frames, you can see the bodies. If I remember correctly, they were in the basement of one of the towers as it collapsed, either that, or they got out just before. Either way, I swear I heard bombs go off, but it could’ve been the bodies again, but hearing and seeing the collapse was nuts. Then, seeing all the people in the street covered in debris. People running down the street, jumping into businesses to get away from the wave of smoke and debris. Windows shattering, vehicles shaking. It was chaos. That film got to me. A true horror film.

I remember at some point hearing about building 7 collapsing, the Pentagon being hit, and the plane in Pennsylvania. It was tragic, but I didn’t think or look into it too much. It wasn’t until after college when I started reading about it, watching documentaries, etc... Getting different views, and stories. I watched one about some wives who were questioning the government and such about their husbands, and stories weren’t sinking up. For years the government gives them the run around, giving no conclusive evidence of anything.

I watched another documentary about how the American military had trained Al Quidea in the past because we sold them weapons, and we had to train them how to use them. It also dealt with W’s involvement with Osama, and how that they had a background, and there is this big ordeal on oil and gas, and Osama wasn’t in with W, or our country. He wouldn’t make a deal. I remember watching videos of W during that day. He was reading for elementary kids, and someone whispers in his ear, and W gives this weird look. He says that he didn’t want to alarm the children, but that’s not what I got from the look. What I got was, “Oh shit, they did it.” Or, “Okay it’s done. Phase 2.” Whatever look it was, it certainly didn’t come off as a shock, surprise, or horrific. It seemed like he just kind of blew it off.

I remember reading an article for the 9th anniversary of the event, and it was talking about how approximately 900 people who were helping that day have died since then. People who were there before, during, and after the collapse helping others get medical help, get to safety, and digging up all the debris have died because they helped. They died from diseases, viruses, infections, etc... They died from things that could have been treated, but they didn’t have the money to do so. The government did not help as they said they would. 100 people a year died, due to the government. It’s tragic. Shortly after getting worked up abut that, I discovered my favorite documentary about 9/11. ‘In Plane Site’ is a guy giving you all the videos that have been given to the public of that day. I believe it’s four different people in four different places getting the same thing on film at the same time. It’s crazy, you can see the planes from four different angles. He also goes in depth with the Pentagon, and others.

Things he talks about was not a surprise, but eye opening. In all the different angles you can see the planes from under, and it looks like something is attached to the bottom of the plane. A normal commercial plane does not have that, and if one did have that, it would take a lot of time and effort to put it there, and would be found out before the plane took off. Therefore, it couldn’t have been a commercial plane as the media says, unless it was a deep inside job. There is also a flash seen on the glass of the building just before the plane hits, other people yelling about how it’s not a commercial plane, or American plane, and one man who was a pilot says it wasn’t a normal plane based simply off the size. People also talked about seeing and hearing explosions as the buildings collapsed, about what the buildings were made of, the blue prints, and how these buildings could collapse the way they did. The only it could be was by chemical demolition explosions. Even judging by what was left behind after the collapse you can tell something else was involved.

He talks about the Pentagon and shows an in-depth computer simulation of a plane going into the building, the video that the media gives us, and the after picture. There is no way a plane flew into that building, unless the wings broke off before it hit the building, and the plane disintegrated completely, but that seems impossible. There are no plane pieces, no burning marks on furniture close by the hole, and no one was hurt, in fact, no one was there at all. The only video that the media gives is of one camera from one angle, and there’s a glitch. You see nothing, then a flash, and the Pentagon with a hole. It had to have been a missile of sorts.

Then, the Pennsylvania plane disappeared as well, there was just a hole. Also, the same flight number that was said to have crashed, 91 I believe it was, actually touched down in Illinois, I think, minutes before. How can Flight 91 be in two places at once? What trips me up more is that was the flight where the whole ordeal with the passenger being a hero came up. The guy who fought the terrorist who was armed with a box cutter, brought him down, and took the plane with them before they crashed into some place else. So, this area hasn’t been looked into enough, but it’s still weird that no plane remnants were there.

Also, building 7 just collapsed on its own, like a demolition, and no one was hurt. The media says it had an infrastructure fire, and couldn’t handle the weight of the debris from the other towers. Yeah, right. One guy that was interviewed said that building was supposed to be “pulled.”

The man doing this great documentary makes a very great point at the beginning. He talks about how you can call all of these things “conspiracy theories”, but if there is evidence to back it up, and there is no sold evidence to back up the other side, then it is no longer a “theory”, it’s a “possibility.” I’m not saying that I believe anything too firmly, but after everything that I’ve looked into turns me more toward the idea that our government did this. They did this to get back at countries who won’t follow our way, to have oil, money, and power. They say we are fighting terrorists. I think we are the terrorists. Terrorists seek to accomplish things by means of using fear. They are doing it to control us, and others. Other countries can easily see us as terrorists. We are in their homeland killing people, and blowing things up. Innocent people are dying because we’re hunting down bad guys. I can’t be a patriotic person with these thoughts on my conscious. I think we did it to ourselves, and we’re only making things worse. We’re just pissing people off, and they will retaliate with great force, unless we do it to ourselves.

Now, riots are breaking out all over the world. People are killing their leaders. Everyone is starting to fight for true freedom. Our government is keeping many secrets from us, they always have. I will make a reference to a great book that I enjoy, and recommend it to anyone who wants to read more into stuff like this. The book is ‘Behold a Pale Horse’ by William Cooper. Tons of need to know info.

The revolution is at hand. Choose a side and fight. We shouldn’t have to get things done by fighting, but in order to have a future with complete peace, you’re gonna have to have a massive fight for things to be realized. It’s all happened before. Humans will never learn, it seems. There are plenty of people here to help bring things together, and put things on the right track, but something bad has to happen to bring them all together to complete their destiny. Destruction is not just an ending, but a beginning. 

In An Instant

I sit with my head down, and arms crossed.
A very closed off position.
I don’t want to talk to anyone. I have nothing but negative things to say.
My self esteem and confidence is shot.
I go to sit alone at a bar, and drink my sorrows away.
Once I start feeling good and saucy, I meet someone.
We talk, laugh, and do random things in order to touch each other.
We hit it off great, they get me, they really get me.
In an instant I felt as if I was in love.
It fit perfectly into an open spot in the big picture of my life.
We leave together.
We drive down the freeway laughing, and enjoying the energy.
The sexual tension is heating.
Definitely seems like it will be a great night.
And in an instant, things change.
A motorcyclist speeds by, and gets ahead of us.
Then, suddenly flips, and crashes.
We see their body flop and fly.
I stop and reach into my pocket for my cell phone.
Before I can get it, and call 911, my passenger jumps out of the car,
and runs to the cyclists aid.
As they’re giving CPR, I dial for help.
A car zooms by and slams into the two on the freeway.
Both are thrown into the air.
The cyclist is tossed to the side,
and the one with me spins up the hood, arches over the car,
tumbles, and slides into the lane next to me.
Their eyes are wide open, and mouth agape with blood pouring out.
My heart pounds and I’m in complete shock.
It’s like one of those nightmares where you try to scream, but can’t.
This isn’t real, it can’t be real.
The person in the car that hit them gets out screaming hysterically.
They can’t be any older than 19 years.
In an instant lives are lost and lives are changed.
It was the happiest moment I could have ever experienced,
then it became the most unstable mental and emotional trauma of my life.
It wasn’t a nightmare.
I’ll never wake from this.
I won’t end my life.
I’ll appreciate and cherish every bit of it,
because it can all get taken away
in an instant.

We Need A Hero

This world is going to hell. I don’t mean that in the religious sense, I mean to literal shit. Governments all over are doing crazy things to their people, but even more, the people are doing something about it, taking a stand. Now, whether we agree with their tactics is a matter of opinion. I believe that someone does need to do it, but I’m not one of those people. I know the things that are going on in the world, I’m not stupid. I do care about everything that is going on. I’m speaking of the riots, the occupies, protests, government power, the economy, I know most of the ins and outs. I’m glad mass amounts of people gather in one spot to show themselves, and speak their voice. That’s a great way to get the attention of the law and government. I want to attend all these things myself, but I can’t help but think of all sorts of reasons of why not to go:

1) All I’m going to do is hear people yell about things I already know, or yell myself about what everyone else is yelling about, which makes me wonder exactly what the point is of me being there. What does it help, or serve?

2) I see all those people as a front-line in an army. You send out a mass number of people to prove a point, and get thoughts and ideas out, and wait to see what the answers are going to be. Then, once the answers come, you send in a second wave, then a third, and maybe more. Each wave has a different tactic, or goal in mind. They work together to obtain one ultimate goal. That being said, what usually happens to the front-line in wars? I believe that is were most of your casualties occur. I mean, you don’t hear about the generals or whoever going out with the front-line. Those mother-fuckers are staying behind to watch the outcome, and come up with strategies to take down the others. Playing a game of ‘Risk’, but using real people. You lose people and you say, “Well, fuck. Now we’ve learned something Let’s move on.” I see all those gathering people as the spot were the pebble is dropped in the pond. I’d rather be in the back, see the ripple coming, rise above it, then clean up after the wake, and make a fresh start. That’s what I’m meant to do. I can’t be a casualty of war. I don’t see it as being a coward, a non-participant/supporter, or anything like that. I just don’t think that's my job, not my wave. I’m not trying to discourage anyone from gathering, protesting, or whatever because, like I said, someone has to do it.

3) Like the second, if the the government really is intentionally doing all this screwed up stuff, or if there are terrorists, then ,don’t you think that they will enjoy having all the people who oppose them together in one area? That’s an easy target. I know, I know, people are going there for peace, therefore they want to settle by peaceful means. That’s bullshit. The ones in power don’t care, they have guns. Big guns. They can find/have people they can easily control and manipulate into killing all the innocent people, then just as easily cover their own ass. It could be to where the front-line doesn’t just have casualties of war, the entire front-line will be gone, and the other waves will have to runaway and hide for a while in order to come up with strategic moves against the power. So, if you’re just killed off with a snap of a finger, then the only thing that you did, or stood for was making a huge impact on those who are left, which is a big part, but not where I fit in. Some may say, “No this would never happen. They would never do a thing like that. You watch too many movies.” Well, it may not happen, and I may be completely paranoid, but I know there are plenty of others who have the same thoughts and ideas about this, so, that makes me believe that my “theory” is possible. And if my “theory” is possible, then that is not a risk I’m willing to take.

I know the world is bad and it needs to make a change to be better. There are tons of ideas out there that seem like they can work, and make complete sense, but we aren’t trying it on large scales to really judge what exactly would be better. The reason we don’t do these things is because certain people would lose, or not receive money. Money has become the most powerful thing in the world, and it doesn’t even really exist. This evil is controlling everything, and bringing the world down in flames, and where I live at the moment, that statement is literal.

So, in my opinion there is only one thing that could help us get out of this slump, and that one thing is a hero. We need a Hero to come and save us, or help us rather. I’m not talking about a Savior. I’m not wanting or expecting Jesus Christ to come back and save us, or save some actually, not all. I’m not expecting God to set Earth on fire. None of what I’m talking about relates to religious views or thoughts. I just want to make that clear. I’m talking a Hero, or Heroes. Like Batman, Iron Man, Tyler Durden, Justice League, or The Avengers. Real people with skills and talents in certain areas. Rich and powerful people who are knowledgeable, and are located on the inside of the source of evil. People who use their riches and power to take down the other bad rich and powerful people from the inside out. A computer wiz who can hack into banking systems and change numbers around.

We need these people, we need this to happen. I feel that is the only way, and I know there are many like me. Why else would they be making so many comic book movies, and making a fortune off of them? I would love to be one of these people, but sadly, I’m neither rich nor powerful. I do believe that these people will come out and do something, but I also feel that we just need to continue the path we’re going.

Regardless of what we need to do for the future, there is one thing that will inevitably happen. Exactly what that one thing is, I’m not sure, but it’s going to be big and bad. Catastrophic. That is the only way most people will realize the truth, and be motivated to do something to resolve the situation. I mean, America became more patriotic after 9/11, which doesn’t make sense, but that’s a whole other rant.

All I’m saying is be aware and be prepared. If you’re rich and powerful, look into what is going on in the world and do something positive to help the world progress properly. If you’re not rich or powerful, then do everything you can you think of that will help improve our lives in a positively progressive way. Let your voice be heard, claim your freedom, and fight to reach your ideals. Too many people live their lives in fear, and it holds everyone back. Don’t be scared, and stop judging based off appearances. Avoid mainstream media, and disregard what society says is right. Don’t be a dependent religious person and look, wait, or pray for someone, who is not going to come, to save you. Know that many will be lost, not everyone can make it, so, don’t let your emotions cloud your mentality. Knowledge is true power. Now, let’s make and become Heroes!