Okay, the Oscar nominations have been released two weeks early, and that concerns me. Did they release them earlier because some of the nominations are still in theaters, and are ready to be pulled, so, they want to bring in their last minute grossing? We can count on it. Just take a look at The Best Picture nominations: 'Argo', 'Beasts of the Southern Wild', 'Django Unchained', 'Les Miserables', 'Life of Pi', 'Lincoln', 'Silver Linings Playbook', and 'Zero Dark Thirty'. First off, I want to say I still think it's bad to have 10 nominations for Best Picture, we all know that hasn't been around long, right? It started the year 'District 9' was nominated, well, that's when they RESTARTED the 10 nominations. In the 30-40s they nominated 12 or so, then from 1944-2008 it was 5, and in 2009 is when they started 10. What are your thoughts on the 10 nominations? I can see how it's a good thing too, but I just really see it as a financial opportunity, and not really a celebration of many good movies. I mean, they even get to where they are playing people off during their speeches because they need to keep up with time. Why don't they cut 5 movies, and spread the time for speeches? That could even force filmmakers to make better movies if they want a chance at an Oscar. On another note, I'm disappointed in The Oscars because I don't know about some choices. I have seen only one of these movies, 'Django Unchained', and it was amazing. I'm actually amazed at how many nominations it received, and didn't receive. Samuel L. Jackson and Leonardo DiCaprio were both really good in this movie. Jamie Fox was great too, but if he won for 'Ray', he won't win for this one, but Christoph Waltz once again get a nod for another Tarantino film, and he deserves it. These two are a great pair. I want to see 'Argo', 'Life of Pi', and 'Lincoln', and I guess 'Silver Linings Playbook' too, but even though I haven't seen it, it doesn't make since to be on the Oscar list. I guess they do always have that movie that throws you off. 'Zero Dark Thirty' isn't my type of film, but this movie could win because we saw what happened with 'The Hurt Locker', and I still haven't seen that film. I know, I'm a bad movie person sometimes. 'Lincoln' is definitely an Oscar contender because the Academy loves awarding these movies with trophies. President Lincoln is getting a lot of hype recently, I wonder why? I have seen a lot of these movies that are nominated in other areas. Some are hard to choose from, so yes, as of now I have two choices on some. The hardest is the Visual Effects. The visuals on all those nominated were great. I want 'Django' to sweep, but when it comes down to the sound, 'Skyfall', I feel, surpasses 'Django'. 'Skyfall' had great Cinematography and Sound. I must say, having Seth MacFarlane being the host was one of the greatest ideas. It makes me very, very excited to watch the award ceremony. This is gonna be great! All that being said, here is my ballot for the Oscars. It may change, but only when I see a movie, but for right now with my current knowledge, these are who I think will win each award: Best Picture- 'Django Unchained' Best Actor- Daniel Day-Lewis for 'Lincoln' Best Actress- Jessica Chastain for 'Zero Dark Thirty' Best Supporting Actor- Christoph Waltz for 'Django Unchained' Best Supporting Actress- Anne Hathaway for 'Les Miserables' Best Director- Ang Lee for 'Life of Pi' Best Original Screenplay- Quentin Tarantino for 'Django Unchained' Best Adapted Screenplay- Tony Kushner for 'Lincoln' Best Animated-'Brave' Best Foreign Film- 'Amour' Best Cinematography- Roger Deakins for 'Skyfall' Best Editing- Micheal Khan for 'Lincoln' Best Production Design- Dan Hennah, Ra Vincent, Simon Bright for 'The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey' Best Costume Design- Colleen Atwood for 'Snow White and the Huntsman' Best Make-up and Hairstyling- Peter King, Rick Findlater, Tami Lane for 'The Hobbit' Best Score- Thomas Newman for 'Skyfall' Best Song- Adele, Paul Epworth for "Skyfall" Best Sound Mixing- Scott Millan, Greg P. Russell, Stuart Wilson for 'Skyfall' Best Sound Editing- Per Hallberg, Karen M. Baker for 'Skyfall' or Wylie Stateman for 'Django Unchained' Best Visual Effects- Joe Letteri, Eric Saindon, David Clayton, R. Christopher White for 'The Hobbit' or Cedric Nicolas-Troyan, Phil Brennan, Neil Corbould, Michael Dawson for 'Snow White and the Huntsman' Best Documentary- Emad Burnat, Guy Davidi for '5 Broken Cameras' Best Documentary Short- Kief Davidson, Cori Shepherd Stern for 'Open Heart' Best Animated Short- David Silverman for 'The Simpsons: The Longest Daycare' Best Live Action Short- Tom Van Avermaet, Ellen De Waele for 'Death of a Shadow' You can go to this link and you can see the list yourself to make your choices. As always, feel free to comment below and get a discussion going. Thanks! ***Update: Oscars are over. 8 out of 24 isn't bad...How did you do?
I have to say, there were a lot of really good movies this year. To be honest, my "Worst of" list were the only movies that came out this year that I didn't like. There were about 24 movies that I did like, and I narrowed it down to 10. I did, however, pick an "All Star" movie and an "Honorable Mentioned". I will even give a quick list of the others I liked, just to get them out there.
#10
I just watched this recently, and it was hilarious. The story is kind of basic, and much like Seth Mcfarlane to do. Regardless, it was still really funny and a bit heart felt. I like that Seth made fun of himself a few times, and that a Teddy Ruxpin mention led to an all out battle where the bear practically wins. Mark Wahlberg was funny, like in 'I Heart Huckabees'. Mila Kunis is *deep fantastical sigh with a smile*. This movie was just a lot of fun.
#9
I'm still on the fence. There were some really cool aspects that were changed that I like. I like that it was the Lizard for the villain, since he's not that known, but I wish he would've had a snout with the teeth. That would've been cooler, I think. Emma Stone was great, and Andrew Garfield pulled off an awkward geek better than I expected. I think I prefer him over Tobey. I like the darker quality, and I like the Uncle Ben dying scene more, but it could've been a little bit lighter. I always saw Spider-Man as a lighter character, rather than darkness of Batman (Yes, different universe, but go with me). Mix the original and this one together, and we have a winner. I am interested to see what's in store with the next installment.
#8
I really, really enjoyed this movie. Way much better than the original. A lot darker. I like that you never see Dredd's face, love Dredd's humor and badassery. Karl Urban did great, and so did Olivia Thirlby. I enjoyed the action and movement throughout, and staying in one location majority of the film. I saw it in 3D, and it was great that the drug used in the film made the 3D experience worth every moment. Although some "slow mo" scenes where too long, and had a few unnecessary moments for it. This was just so much fun, and I enjoyed it a lot. Lena Headey didn't play her character as scary as she should've, but pulled it off okay. Her make-up was fantastic though. She is gorgeous in real life, but looks messed up in this film. Like Charlize Theron in 'Monster'.
#7
This movie was visually great. I love the story behind it, and the connection to the 'Alien' universe. I enjoy expansions like that, it keeps you going intellectually. I like that they answer questions, then bring up more. There are some questions that make me angry, but others I understand. They did a great job with having this movie to be discussed so much. Whether you like it or not, everyone can enjoy talking about it. The worst part of the film was the acting, and character motivations. Micheal Fassbender was the best in the film, and Idris Elba is next. There were a lot of things wrong and off with this movie, but I can't help but enjoy it, and I've seen this movie so many times already. It's still really cool. I saw this in Imax it it was awesome. I'm anxious for the sequel.
#6
This movie was great. The visualization was amazing. Some of the shots were just freakin' cool as hell. Daniel Craig is my favorite Bond by far. He is what I've always seen Bond as being like. It was truly great, and Javier Bardem was a perfect bad guy for this bond film. The Adele song fit perfectly for this film. It was great using it for advertisement, and the opening credits were awesome, as usual. I love the action at the beginning, and leading to the credits. Great start to the story. It was a really, really enjoyable bond film.
#5
Yes, this movie was great. It's a real basic concept with a unique twist. I thought it was a great story and idea. The actors were great, and it was so freaking funny. I really wouldn't consider this a horror movie, but a horror-comedy, yes. I love the dialog. All those crazy scary things getting let loose, was just cool. I love all the comedic set-ups and pay offs. And the stoner wins! How often do you see that? The truth is known, the stoner is the smartest, most intuitive, and is a survivalist. This movie was just great.
#4
Okay, now choices are becoming harder and harder to make. I feel weird and guilty that this movie has made it to this number, but maybe I will explain myself well. This movie was great and very enjoyable. I just think Bane didn't have enough of an arc, or story, to him, and his "death" was kind of quick and lame. The twist with the woman being the old enemies daughter seemed out of place. I don't understand, and I don't like, the fact that Batman survives. I also don't like that John Blake's real name is Robin. That made me groan out loud. The idea behind his character is that anyone can be Batman, right? So why say Robin? People automatically associate Robin to the traditional character, and now you're confusing us. Robin can't be there, or be Robin, without Batman. You could leave out that short dialog exchange about the name, and the ending effect would still stand, so, it's not needed. This movie was definitely not better than 'The Dark Knight'. Still good enough for me to buy the day it came out though. I'm a Batman fan.
#3
This movie was lovely. The story is one I've been interested in for a while. I love how all these different stories and characters intertwine. I also really enjoy seeing actors play like six different characters each. It's great diversity. Tom Hanks is amazing, and Hugo Weaving has the best characters. Hugh Grant did really well too considering he's been gone for a bit, it seems. This is the best I've seen Jim Sturgess, especially his "final" character, I couldn't tell it was him. That's how some are, it isn't until the credits when you realize certain actors were certain characters. It's lot of fun. Oh, and Jim Broadbent is wonderful too. Who can't enjoy character driven stories? Especially with great actors to do them. This is a movie that can, and should be watched several times, and you're always making new discoveries. The music is awesome, and is a drive in the story. This movie made me warm and fuzzy, and sent me on an intellectual and slight spiritual journey. I also thought this long movie had great pacing, I was into it the whole time.
#2
I just saw this for the midnight feature. In one of my latest blogs I give the full review of this film. Check it out if you're interested in the full scoop. In short, the movie was fantastic and everything I could hope for in this movie. My only quarrel maybe be with the high frame rate I saw it in, it just threw me off a bit. Other than that, the movie was on point. I look forward to the next two films, owning them all, and watching them over and over. I always enjoyed this book more than LOTR.
#1
I love this movie so much. I saw it in Imax, and I had so much fun. I'm into every moment of this movie, and I love the humor. The idea of all these great different heroes together is awesome, and seeing it was exciting. I really like the tying in of all the other movies to lead to this movie. That's just a great marketing idea. I still watch this movie all the time. I was nervous about Mark Ruffalo, but he's my favorite in this film, and he's playing my favorite hero. I just think everything is damn near perfect, and I'm already stoked about the next.
Well, there you have it folks, my top ten best movies for 2012. It was hard moving movies around to certain spots. I'm anxious to hear some responses, so let them come. Before I allow that, I need to do my other two.
Honorable Mentioned
I thought it was cute and entertaining. The visual was fun. I like fantastical things. This was right up my alley. It was like 'Star Wars' meets 'Prince of Persia'. I liked the humor in it, and it was a lot of fun.
All-Star
For the budget and film quality, I thought this was really good. Basic story line, but really good. I liked the acting. If three guys found they had powers, this is what would happen. The villain guy reminds me of someone I know, so, I understand his character. It's a fairly emotional story. I was drawn in, and I thought they did a really great job.
Just a quick list of other movies I like and recommend that came out this year: Bad Ass, American Reunion, Goon, Casa de Mi Padre, Bernie, Pirates!, MIB 3, Wrath of the Titans, and Battleship.
I also have plans to watch Monster's Inc 3D, but it won't count toward this because it just doesn't. I want to see 'Cirque du Soleil' because it eems really cool, but may not make it to the list. However, I have plans to see 'Django Unchained', and that could make it to the list. We'll see. Send me some comments. Until later, have a good life.
Alright folks, here's my list of the worst films I've seen that came out this year. I admit, only one of these movies was actually seen in the theaters. I kind of know my taste, and make it a point to not see an "iffy" movie in the theater. So, majority of these I rented from Redbox. I'm just doing 10, and I will start with the not so bad, then lead to the worst. Just as a note, I'm never ashamed to say that I've watched anything. Watching really bad movies is good, especially as a film maker, because you know what not to do/ know what people don't like. Some bad movies can be enjoyable and entertaining, but never be considered a "good movie". Just like my first film on the list.
#10
It was a decent movie. Jennifer Lawrence is super attractive, and I can't wait to see more of her. Woody Harrelson is awesome as always, Stanley Tucci can never have a bad thing said about him, and Elizabeth Banks did good too; her character was interesting. The story seemed ripped off of other stories I grew up with. It was completely predictable, I don't like that at all. I hear that it doesn't compare to the book, and maybe that's so, but this movie was not worth the hype, and was not one I saw in theaters.
#9 It was okay. The movie was visually stunning, and I loved the twist to the old fairy tale. I hear though it's a rip off of another foreign film. The CinemaChick knows. I loved the dwarfs, they were the saving grace of the film. There was great costume, make-up, and cinematography to show their smallness very well, not like LOTR. I also liked that I couldn't tell which actors some of the dwarfs were, overall, they were the highlight. Chris Hemsworth was enjoyable, and fits in this type of role. Kristen Stewart sucked, straight up. I got no emotion from her, and after hearing her "battle speech", I wanted to leave. I would never follow her into battle. That whole scene was jacked up. No one even wonders how the hell she woke up? Charlize Theron was off her game too, just like 'Prometheus'. She must've filmed them in the same year because I got the same person in both movies, and they both sucked. So, this movie is worth seeing for the dwarfs, and the visualization. This is the movie I saw in theaters.
#8
Yeah, the movie was exactly what I thought it was. "Oh, these people want to see a movie with all the action heroes. Let's put them in, and not have a plot." I couldn't pay attention to this movie. I was anxious because I miss Jean Claude (for some reason), and it's got the other cool guys in it more, but there's no pay off. I loved the first one, it was a lot of fun. But this was like some kind of cry for help, and it seemed like they all were stooping low to do this movie. I respect wanting to get them all together for 1 movie, but make sure your priorities are in order, meaning have a good story first.
#7
Now, this is a documentary movie. I had to watch it because certain family members were mentioning it, and some people are using it against Obama. I enjoy the fact that I'm knowing more about Obama's life that leads too this point, it's kind of interesting. What doesn't make sense is the cover, and end of the film, puts you in a place where you can make your own decision to"love" Obama or "hate him" after knowing the "truth" about his life, but throughout the film the host seems to persuade you against Obama, but then will show something good. He also pointed out "bad elements" about Obama's tactics, but once you really think about it, it's not near as bad as it is made out to be. I think the film was a tactic to keep people from voting for him, but, obviously, they did a horrible job. I encourage people to watch it who are into politics and seeing different sides, but for me this film didn't sway me any way. I feel the same about him, but more knowledgeable.
#6
Not a whole lot to say about this one. It was funny in some parts, but a bad idea to make the film. I didn't get anything out of it. I enjoyed the first one (remake), but this was just a regular B-movie...or maybe C-movie. If you feel so inclined, please watch it.
#5
Not much to say here either. It was really freakin' funny in some parts, but that's about it. It was entertaining, especially at this point in time with the presidential race. I never saw 'Bruno', but I'm sure this is better than that, but I still prefer 'Borat'. Watch it if you like his humor, and have a slight interest in politics.
#4
Just bad. Johnny Depp's make-up was bad, all the make-up looked bad. I didn't like the color choices either. The story was hard to follow. It was slow, and it was hard to pay attention. I really can't think of anything good to say, except that Eva Green looks good.
#3
Seriously, just stop making these. The first one was good, and that's about it. The story seems to be somewhat interesting, but you guys went about it the wrong way. This just isn't any good, or fun anymore. Stop. Please.
#2
I've already been criticized about my opinion of this movie, but it still stands. I like Liam Neeson, but I don't know what's going on. Between this and Taken 2, it looks bad. Nothing against him as an actor, just his choices in films to do, lately. Maybe it's just because I expected something different, but I didn't enjoy this movie at all. I fell asleep twice, and tried to re-watch it, but I couldn't do it. If you like survival movies, then maybe you'll like it.
#1
This was a let down. The scene with the lady on the exam table scared the hell out of me (haha), but overall the movie was lame. Enough exorcism movies for a while, please. Unless you have something truly unique, scary, and original to bring with it.
Well, that concludes my "Worst of" list. Please feel free to comment on my decisions. I'm always up for a banter, and I have been swayed in the past for some things. I will do my "Best of" soon. I will enjoy that a lot more.
I'm back and it's with a movie review. I saw the midnight feature of 'The Hobbit' on Dec. 14, 2012. I watched the movie in 3D and in the 48 frames per second. I have to say I was very excited to see this movie in this new rate. I know this will be a new thing that filmmakers will be experiencing with in the future. James Cameron has shown that he will most likely shoot the next two 'Avatar' movies at the same rate. I figure, if Peter Jackson and James Cameron want to do it, then there has to be something good about it. I've been looking forward to this movie for a while in general, and it's good to watch a ground breaking movie.
I also want to quickly add I saw the movie at the Alamo Drafthouse on Slaughter and Mopac in Austin, TX, and it was a great experience. The set-up they have in the theater was wonderful. It's more intimate and spacious. I had their French Press Coffee, and it was amazing. It's hard to find coffee I enjoy drinking black, and still have the caffeine stimulation.
Now, the frame rate made the film experience different, it's hard to describe. There were some moments at the beginning during the dialog period that I could tell it was sped up. Some things also appeared more realistic, and some parts seemed more computerized, but yet it all seemed to flow together well. Mainly at the dialog portions it seemed like I was watching a children's play. Now, I majored in Theatre, so, I am a little bias, but I do not mean this in a negative way. Some responses I get are negative, but I'm not saying it looks like someone is filming a play, which does not work well most of the time, I mean it just looks like they are performing live. The more realistic factor, I suppose. With the higher frame rate you can see more details in gestures, and facial expressions, which can work well for a children's show. The fact that 'The Hobbit' is supposed to be a children's book makes this element of the film so much better.
There were also moments, due to the frame rate and camera movement, that made it feel like one of those movie rides where your seat moves with the roller coaster on the screen, tough the seats didn't move. So, some motion sickness may be involved. I can understand some having a problem with this factor, but I rather enjoyed it. It brought me into the film more. My movie date said she had to slow her drinking due to this aspect.
The frame rate also keeps your attention a lot better. We all know that the world's, or at least America's, attention span is becoming near nonexistent. On top of that, I felt that the movie got off to a slight slow start, but after Bilbo runs carrying the contract, "I'm going on an adventure!" I feel it picks up and goes nonstop to the end. Just when you think they will have a moments rest or "just walk" like some complain about in LOTR, something else happens, and it's back to thrilling suspense.
The shots, of course, were beautiful. It's more of a beautiful movie than 'Return of the King'. The acting from everyone was on point. There are some really great characters throughout the film. One of my favorite moments was the song the dwarfs sing in Bilbo's house. I even belted my excitement out loud. It kind of sucks that they cut a lot of the singing portions from the book. I know there were some things missing, but to me as long as the really good and important moments get shown, then that's all that really matters. Like, for example, the Gollum scene didn't need the extra riddles that were cut. Although the Gollum scene was one of my favorite and most anticipated scenes.
I'm also glad they showed portions of Smaug, and how they ended the film. I don't remember reading that type of stopping point in the book, but I liked it either way. I'm a huge dragon fan, and someone needs to make a badass dragon film soon. Just sayin'.
Some of my other favorite parts was the rock fighting scene, you know were the big rock guys fight each other and everyone holds on for dear life? Yeah, that one. And the show down scene with the Blue Orc, and those wolves, then they are all on one tree on the edge of a cliff, and start throwing burning pine cones. Only to lead to a big battle with everyone. That was awesome, especially when the Eagles saved them.
So, overall the movie was great, and the high frame rate was the only disturbing portion. I recommend seeing it though, and come to your own conclusions. It will be happening a lot more. I could see someone like the Farrelly Brothers, or Tom Shadyac making a comedic movie with that frame rate, and it being hilarious. They could go back and shoot 'Three Stooges' again at that rate, and it could be better. I will be seeing this movie again in the regular frame rate to truly judge the difference. Who knows, it could end up being a better movie. For now, I give it a 9 out of 10.
Stay tuned, I will be posting my personal "Best of" and "Worst of" movies for 2012.
I realize I haven't made a post in a while, though not many would have noticed anyway. I just wanted to make a post to show I am still alive and kicking, and I shall have some stuff come up soon. I will make my comeback by posting a 'Best and Worst Films of 2012'. I enjoy movies a ton, and I'm often told I should write about them. So, I will dive into that a little bit more, and see what happens.
I'm also thinking of doing a vlog. I haven't done one yet, and I want to experience it. I just don't know what I would want to talk about.
Maybe that can be my best and worst film list. What do you think? Any suggestions?
Alright, prepare yourself. This is my rant about relationships. Those who have known me for a while may roll their eyes, but you have to admit, I haven’t talked about this, or complained for at least a year, so, I’m due. My mind is back to where it once was, which is getting all worked up about finding a girl, but now, it’s different.
I’m back to the dating game, and liking it a lot less than before. It’s hard to find people to go out with, much-less a girl to date. I’m very picky with who I want to even try to date, now. This online dating stuff is insane. So, I would probably have to explain the last relationship I had, we’ll call her Babe, was also my first and only relationship. So, you see how it might be a little difficult for me.
Through my whole life, starting from high school, I always wanted a girlfriend. I never got to tell my mother I had a girlfriend, or even introduce a girl to my mother, until Babe. Sure I had “girlfriends” in Elementary and Jr. High, but really, does that count? I have always had pursuits, but they ended quickly, either by me doing something stupid, losing interest, or being caught in the “friend zone”. I had at least two girls who I truly felt that I loved, and both broke my heart. Those are both stories on their own. I had “flings” in college, sure, but nothing serious. I’m always the friend. I helped so many people with their relationships, but when I started dealing with those questions from girls I had interest in, then I just stop caring to listen. I’ve always been the third wheel, the fifth wheel, or the crazy loner guy. Just constant struggle with women, although I’m not shy nor do I have difficulty approaching or talking to women. I can’t ever get them out of my head, and I can’t ever stop thinking about the last one until I have a new prospect of interest. I always think romantically, and wish I could show it to someone, or I get depressed and wish everyone was unhappy and single. I went through a huge ordeal with one female in particular, who isn’t even getting a fake name, and I broke down. I started to get aggravated and fed up with the idea of trying to find a girl. It’s so much work and trouble. I should just learn to be alone, and like it, then someone would come along. I got very comfortable with myself. Then, Babe came along.
I had met Babe in the past a few times, guess you can say we met through a friend. The last time I saw her, before we started dating, I thought she was a bitch, straight up. I went to a party at her place, aka her mom’s house, and tried to say hi a few times, but she ignored me, and gave me weird looks, then tried to be all nice and give me a hug when I left. She always had that bitch look to her (yes, I even told her this. Is that bad? I’m a honest and blunt person, but so was she). But when we started dating, she had moved out of her mom’s and was living with two roommates north of me, got in touch with me through the social network, and wanted to hang out. We started going out, and she was a lot of fun, and great to talk to. Of course, there was that tension between us. The first time we kissed she said, “Finally!” And I laughed. The relationship quickly developed from there.
We started dating sometime at the end of October - early November 2010, then considered it a relationship by the beginning of December. I went home for the holidays, which is a five hour trip, and I didn’t have a proper car, so, a family member picked me up. When it came time to come back, Babe wanted to come get me because she missed me. So, she came and spent a night or two with me and my family. She met majority of the important people in my life. That had never been done before, and it was crazy to me. We got in a big fight on the way back because I was being very selfish, thoughtless, and childish, but didn’t realize it at that point in time. It did not make for a good trip. We were also heading straight in on New Years Eve and going to a friends party. The entire night was awkward, and full of negative tension. It all spiraled from there I suppose.
I always had my doubts about the relationship from the beginning. I wasn’t totally into her, but I think I wanted to settle and try the whole relationship thing out. I tried my best to do romantic things, but she was hard to please. She didn’t seem to appreciate all the things I did. We had a lot of “fights”, and I even kinda broke up with her at one point because she was being a stupid, inconsiderate, hypocritical bitch. I was bawling, and talking to a friend about it, and she called back apologizing, etc...Then, she met me and my two friends at a restaurant, and we got back together, and it seemed like it was going to be better than ever.
She continued to have issues with family, living situations, and job situations. I was very accommodating and supportive. She stayed with me for a good while during her move out of one place, storing things at another, and leaving to go to Hawaii for a month, then come back to a new place. It was all crazy. Things got switched around, and she was there in Hawaii for our 6 month anniversary (June 2011). Our relationship ended exactly a week after our 7 month, which was the same day I got my new car, and she broke up with me while having brunch in a restaurant. Bad timing.
Sure, she says it wasn’t planned, but that still freakin’ sucks. Especially since she was the motivation behind me getting a car. That was a problem with us, my car sucked real bad, so, she drove a lot. I paid for gas many times, but she still fought with me about it. I also have to mention that I have a thyroid disease, and if I’m off my medication for a long period of time, I have certain symptoms, ie: depression and hormonal mood swings, aka a woman. That being said, she made me cry quite a few times. Sometimes it was because she was very tactless in a lot of things she said, and when she said it. That and sometimes I would cry out of anger because that is better than being violent or verbally abusive. This lack of medication is also the cause of many other thoughts, feelings, and argument issues.
It was all very confusing, still is. We were at different places, and blah, blah, blah. While I’m typing this I’m even thinking to myself, “what the hell are you complaining about?” And the answer is, “I don’t know.” I’m lonely and depressed again, and it has to come out. I’ve been wanting to get this out, so, maybe I can feel better and move on. She moved on, by early December because she’s already in a relationship. That’s what mainly concerns me, and bothers me. What does that really say about her? What does that say about me? About me and her? There are so many answers to those questions, and all of them never leave my head. Should I talk to her about this? If so, what would I say? Her picture and name is always there on the social network. She’s got her and her boyfriend together as her profile picture (they look fake happy). I heard he’s a dick too, and think he’s a game designer, or something of the nature. It seems to me she’s rushing into another relationship, which won’t end well, and will end in the near future. I project by the end February, or at least it will start dropping downhill quickly. I know that because there seems to be a pattern with the dates here, whether she realizes it or not.
All in all, I think we were wrong for each other, but it could’ve worked out, I feel. I just know that my strengths in a relationship are: listening, accommodating, romantic, caring, funny, creative, passionate, ambitious, attractive, intelligent, thoughtful, being great, good at kissing and other things. My weaknesses: insecurity, defensive, sensitive, childish, vindictive, argumentative, negative, stuck in my head, un-observant, and I have tendencies to shut down during states of conflict.
These are things that came from her. Ultimately, she says she couldn’t be with me because she doesn’t know what she wants, where she’s going, what she’s doing, etc... She didn’t take my advice, clearly, but whatever. I just don’t understand why she’s with someone already with everything said and done, and I have no prospects. I can’t get out and meet anyone because it’s hard to meet a single girl out there, hard to find one that’s not more interested in other girls, and online dating just blows the most.
Like I said, I didn’t have high expectations of the relationship, but it hurt a lot when we actually broke up. I wanted to explode inside, my heart hurt, couldn’t stop crying, and thinking about the good happy moments, then crying even more. I won’t get those moments back. I even thought about the bad times, but that made me cry too because I wouldn’t mind having those back either.
I want to be good friends now, but I don’t know what to think, how to feel, or how to act around her. I completely avoid everyone else in the past, and it makes it easier to not have to think or remember. I’d rather get teeth pulled than deal with this more. At least teeth is physical pain, but now I feel physical, emotional, and, worst of all, mental. It’s hard for me to control my mental pain. The mind is constantly going, and it goes to certain areas, then brings the emotions along.
I’m apparently a great boyfriend, even though I know it’s not completely true because I know my faults, and now I wish I could change them, and have done something differently. I would’ve cherished our moments so much more. If I could only go back, but I can’t. I should’ve cherished them as much as possible anyway, and I shouldn’t have regrets. I should also know better than to think that changing something, or going back would actually make a difference. But you can never change a person’s free will, which means, you can’t make someone love you. Jim Carrey stands out a lot in my head right now with his movies ‘Bruce Almighty’, and ‘Eternal Sunshine’. They fit a large amount of my thoughts and feelings.
Now, I also feel even more scared about looking for someone else because I don’t want to feel like this AGAIN. So, it’s so much harder for me to let my heart go, as well as not wear it on my sleeve. Our relationship could’ve been perfect. I guess it’s the simple fact of being in two different places in life. Now, the song ‘Love isn’t Always On Time’ is playing in my head.
I will get a lot of writing done now, but I’m back to my dark stages, and romance. I suppose it’s meant to be that way. I’m better off alone, but I don’t want to be alone. She has said, “You’re a great boyfriend”, “I value your friendship”, “It’s not you, it’s me”, and “I’m broken, and I don’t know how to fix it.” One thing, you can’t fix anything of you keep breaking yourself and others over and over. Don’t runaway. Fight it, deal with it. All those lines I’ve heard many, many times before, and they still baffle me, as well as aggravate the living shit out of me. How am I not supposed to compare her to girls of the past. The only difference is she gave me a chance, a fairly long chance, but in the end I heard the same lines, felt the same way, thought the same thing, overall the same.
Every time this happens to me, there’s also another click. What are these clicks? What will they do? It doesn’t matter. I still believe in love, but it’s debatable for me personally. Many think they would love a guy like me, but they are horribly mistaken because I’m everything you want, but when you have it, you don’t want it. Now, here comes Third Eye Blind with their song.
I need to keep myself busy, and pray, to whoever, to send me someone that is perfect. Because no man should be alone. That reminds of this quote from the book and movie ‘Fallen Angel’.
"We were born to tread the Earth as angels, to seek out a heaven this side of the sky, but they who race alone shall stumble in the dark and fall from grace. Then, love alone can make the fallen angel rise, for only two can enter paradise."
I feel I’m over it all at this point, and comfortable with myself again. My main focus isn’t having a relationship. I’m focusing on a business relationship now. I just want to find people, mainly a girl, just to go out with because most of my friends have different schedules, or are just pure home-bodies. I’m double sided. I like to have alone time, but I’m also a social butterfly, and don’t like to be isolated for days on end, but that’s what I’ve been resorting to because I haven’t met new people, and every time I go out by myself, it’s not as fun as being with someone else. I’ll make it through. I have faith in myself, and feel that I will meet an older, classy, beautiful, and established woman who wants to snatch me before others realize what they’re missing.
If you could help me out, please. I want to try a quick shot at getting published in an issue of Crazy Horse. The deadline is January 15, so, I don't feel I have enough time to write a whole new story that's good. I figured I could use one of the stories I've already done, but I need help deciding which is the better of the two, and some ideas to help tweak it (ie: certain details that I could be more specific or elaborate, spelling, grammar, loose ends, anything to help out). I want to choose one of the two. They are both posted on my site. One is 'Blue', which was posted in December 2010, or 'Waiting on an Angel' which I posted in July 2011. Just click the names to be directed to the stories. You can either send me a private e-mail, or leave a comment in the comment section. I'd greatly appreciate help on this. I'm just trying to throw myself out there. You never know what could happen. Thanks a ton! :)
