Drunken Ramble About Death

My grandfather died tonight. I was out with 2 friends and after a while and getting real drunk I checked my messages. One was from my Dad telling me that my grandfather, his father, had passed away an 10p.m. It seems like everytime someone passes away, I find out over the phone...Anyway, the 2 people I was with,1 of which, honestly, I was in love with , and have been for a long time. I find out the info and she hugs me. It's the greatest feeling in the world. That's all I wanna do. Hug her for the entire night. Sex would be great, but I just want to hold her. The other friend we're with is her ex-boyfriend, and my friend. There's a lot behind us 3, but let's just say I was already feeling realy awkward with just the two. I was fine and dealing with it all until I came back from the bathroom and saw them making out. Yes, it shouldn't have mattered, it shouldn't have bothered me, but it did. I throew off the energy from that point on, and I got the maeeage. She just held me, it was perfect, but he was obviously jealous, anxious, and frustrated. So, it was weird. I was soo drunk and emotional...I don't even care anymore.I feel so depressed, and I fell rediculous. Yes, I'm sill drunk. I just have no one right now, and I really want to hold someone. That's all. Just some one to hold and comfort me, and talk to me. I don't know what I have to do, what I have to change to be able to have that. Te people who do need it, but don't appreciate it, and possible don't deserve; gets all the attention. What about me? I do all this work and try to be this great person, adn I want to hold someone and someone to hold me in a time of need, adn I can't ahve it. I don't deserve it? What the fuck is wrong with people? Shit people get all the goods. All of this really sucks. It proves this world is shit because the people in it don't care. There is no love. I don't have to much hope for human kind right now, or for myself. Why won't somone I love,love me back? I know it's an issue a lot of people have, but it doesn't make sense, and it hurts; real bad. I'm just so emotional and depressed at the moment (and honsetstly a lot lately) that I don't know what to say or do properly. Please help. I need a omantic intrest to stick for a while I need it. I want it. Please, please, please please, please, and please. I'm stupid and drunk enough to post this on the blog and feel like an idiot, but I feel almost deperate. I just don't see why I'm not with someone right where we can make each other happy. Talk to me, please, if you have help I can make use of. Thanks, love, and peace.

Four Seasons of East Texas

(Four Haikus)

I
Leaves of all colors
fall and cover the ground, and
a gentle wind blows.

II
A cold hard breeze stings,
rain, not snow, sets on the ground,
and breath may be seen.

III
Rain pours and birds sing,
humidity rises, and
flowers bloom and blow.

IV
The sun shines and burns,
rain falls unexpectedly,
the heat is awful.

Mystery Men

Who are these Mystery Men?
Both dressed in black,
both look the same.

One sits, never looking up,
never saying a word.
He constantly writes,
and is always in a thoughtful look.

The other stands beside him.
His head is always up
speaking to people,
and having fun.

You can see the wanting,
the yearning in his face.
Yearning to go out.
Seize the day!

But once he moves away from the other,
the other grabs his shoulder,
and gently pulls him back.
Pulls him and shakes his head.
He does this without words,
without looking up.
The other looks back,
lets out a sigh,
and stays at his side.

The one who writes knows best,
knows what should be done.
He knows that work and knowledge
is more important than having fun.

Other people surround them,
trying to make a change,
but the silent one is strong,
and never gives in.

I decide to approach them.
I stand in front of them,
stare blankly,
and realize.
They are exactly how I feel.

Wandering Man

There is a man.
That wanders through unknown places.
He wanders here and there,
Never knowing where he goes next.
Wanders into places I don’t know,
Places I’ve never thought.
I try to talk to him.
He never listens.
He listens to everyone but me.
He lives in the light with the clouds,
Places I only dream.
He needs to be calm.
Needs to stay put.
He continues to run around.
Runs as if racing to get somewhere.
How can he get to one place,
When he is all over the place?
I talk to him.
Others talk to him,
But yet he does what he wants.
Hardly ever stops to pay attention.
He hears,
He sees,
But still keeps running.
Is he running towards something?
Or is he running from something?
No matter, he ends in the right place.
But someone please help me,
Help me to control my mind.

Bower Bird Blues

The iridescent Blue Satin Bower
Bird makes a place to bring a female, so
that they can mate. He gathers twigs, leaves, moss,
many materials to build a mating
place. Some make an archway and some may even
build a small tree. It all depends on his
style and nature. He meticulous
-ly places the twigs in their place. He goes
back over, checking to make sure it’s
what he wants. He gathers berries, feathers,
shells, and anything else he can find left
around that will help his place look and feel
more beautiful and set the mood. He will
use them for decorations on the walls
or on the ground. Delicately placing
blue leaves to build a bed. He spends many
months making his love place, then goes out to
seduce the female and bring her back to
investigate. She looks round, but never
goes in unless she plans to mate. He struts
and sings to impress her and show off his
masterpiece. Some females stay and some go.
Most prefer older more experienced
bower birds. Younger bower birds have a
single mate from dozens of visitors.

He uses his love and creativity
to build a place to impress, and yet he
still sings the blues. He is blue all over. His
feathers, his place, and his name are all blue.
The Satin Bower Bird is much like people,
or at least one person who sings the blues.

Pedestrian

He hears his feet on the sidewalk,
feels the warmth of the sun,
the coolness of the breeze upon his face.

The crosswalk beeps, tires squeal,
a hard shove comes on his legs.
There’s a loud crash
followed by pieces of broken glass.

His body hits the pavement hard,
blood fills his mouth and everything’s a blur.
He struggles for air,
reaches out for someone,
his heart beats slower, then
his hand falls.

Defend the Light

A Villanelle Poem

Join me as a solider of light,
I can keep the promise of day,
fight against warriors of night.

Darkness will shadow your clear sight,
but stay straight and strong on your way.
Join me as a solider of light.

They steal your blood and give you blight,
but others of light wait . They
fight against warriors of night.

Dark has broken the truce. Tonight
we wage war to defend the day.
Join me as a solider of light.

Take my hand in yours, hold it tight
and close by my side you should stay.
Fight against warriors of night.

The chalk of fate will mark what’s right
we hold it and write our way.
Join me as a solider of light.
Fight against warriors of night.

Difficulty in Climbing Mountains

The Mountain of Life lies dead ahead.
I strap on my pack,
clipping and clicking everything together.
Making sure I have plenty of support and safety.
I place my foot on the base, and it slides with the rocks,
back down to flat ground.
I look up the incline and realize just how far it is and how hard it will be to reach the peak,
but I have to do it, have to make it, and be king of the mountain.
My eyes widen, I release a deep breath, and place my hand in a small crevasse.
I begin to climb.
 it’s tough at first,
muscles pulling, hands clenching, and feet implanting.
As I go further, getting a steady pace, it seems like everything gets easier.
After time, I get sore from all the stress and weight of the world on my shoulders;
that’s what I have hidden in my pack.
That’s why I need to reach the top,
that’s what motivates me to keep going.
BAM!
A rock falls on my helmet, and drops me a few feet down.
I hold still on the side of the gigantic mountain and shake it off.
My vision seems off balance, and my head throbs a bit,
but I continue straining to the top.
If I stop, rest, relax, or slip; it will hurt much more to hit rock bottom ,
than to persevere through the hardships that slam into me.
Everythings got more testing for me.
I reach a short distance past the spot of the first incident and
KSHHH…
My foot slips, bringing me down a little.
I keep going, with ropes getting snagged, debris covering my eyes, and the thought of looking down getting in my way.
I refuse to look down, because I might miss something coming at me,
which would bring me further down than ever before.
Maybe even to the point of thinking this wasn’t worth the trouble,
and then letting go, but that would kill me, and destroy the item on my back.
I strategically begin to dodge objects, avoid the dust, and move up the mountain faster.
I become stronger, quicker, and stable; to where nothing phases me anymore.
The tip of the mountain is in plain sight.
My arm reaches the peak.
OOPH!
The rope is stuck toward the bottom, or I misjudged the distance and length ran out;
I tug and tug and it, but nothing moves, nothing is released, I’m stuck in the spot.
I wrap one arm around the top, and use the other to remove the pack,
wedge it between me and the mountainside, unzip, and take out the purpose for the struggle.
The glassy looking sphere has blue and green darkened colors.
My face tenses with the effort of placing the world at the high point,
but I make it. The world falls into place, the colors get brighter,
so bright I can hear the light beaming.
It begins to spin and glow; I hear a choir singing in the back of my head.
My rope loosens and a plateau forms from the mountain under my feet.
I can sit, rest, and relax comfortably without the worry of dropping down.
My goal and purpose has been accomplished.
And it was all worth it.
All there is to do now is watch the world go around shining,
and wait for someone to find me.

Blogger Blogging Blogs

So, blogging is supposed to be like and online diary/journal. People get on rant about their day, their frustrations, humors, good thoughts, etc... You can get paid for blogging! How does one do such a thing? Just write about their day so well that people just LOVE it. Do those people who get money and followers actually just write like normal, or is there creative art? There would have to be. I took a non-fiction writing class which to me is like creative blogging, or just blogging. That class was part of the Creative Writing curriculum, so, one can assume the same for blogs, right?

If so, then it comes down to the creative process, they way the blogging is presented. Personally, I can't just sit here and describe my day, rant, rave, and preach. Then, I would consider myself doing those things, and don't like it too much. I like to just automatically think I'm writing this professionally to present to someone else. Diaries and journals I think of personal stuff to talk about and such. In which case, I'm just writing to get things out, and would not present it online for anyone else to read, unless I desperately sought help, then I'd call 911, not write about me killing myself or something.

So, I blog to present writings about my days, thoughts, and feelings. That way I cover up all the things I don't want shown, and show it to others who can still relate, and be entertained at the same time. Like placing comics from newspapers nicely over spilled milk, sometimes possibly sour milk; very sour. But isn't that what stories, books, comics, and movies are for? They're just a whole bunch of thoughts, ideas, feelings, complaints shoved underneath creativeness.

That's why I choose to sit and write essays, poems, stories, scripts, etc... about a specific genre, if you will. You ask and want to know about my day, but I don't want to tell you, I want to entertain. So, if you read and understand my creative writings, then you pretty much know how my days are, my thoughts, feelings, etc... And when I say essays it is non-fiction creative writing that I've sat and written, changed revised, etc... It's in format that we're all used to from school with the simple Intro, Body (usually 3 paragraphs), and Conclusion.

This current writing, however, is a one sit and write, which is closer to blogging I suppose. Which is why I don't chose to do things like this too often because I don't feel too accomplished and professional. And notice how it doesn't work too well. I mean to entertain more, but I'm not even sure if anyone's reading anything. So, I don't know what works best. Never know if the silence is a good or bad thing. Usually it's bad. Thus, I'm posting writings of variety to see what hits. Either way, I'm posting things just in case one day it helps some one, and/or entertains.

Ummm, yeah so I guess this is my first actual blog. All the others are creative writings that's I've written in the past and spruced up a tiny tad before  posting. Stay tuned because there's more shit to come. Just like the shit life brings ya.

Land of Acidius

I pace around the room furiously
Hold my head tight, and pull on my hair
Thoughts and emotions swirl around mind and body
Stress and struggle fills me up
Darkness falls upon me
I feel I’ve lost touch with my inner self
Something is missing from me, from my soul
There must be a way to regain connection with life
Life is hard and still
I must find myself, find my drive and purpose
Be connected once again with myself and the world around

I hear that the land of Acidius exists
The place where all connections lie
A beautiful world
The world that lies beneath the one I and everyone live in
One that anyone can see, but you have to be ready and willing to grasp
One drop of a magic potion will send you on a journey of a lifetime
A self discovery adventure

I take the trip

In this wondrous land many things take place
You see things for what they really are
Dark things are darker, colors are brighter
Everything is intense, but not too much, just enough
All things have constant motion:
The trees sway slightly, flowers bloom over and over again
They all move as one, they are all one
I sit and melt into the ground, bringing us together
There are defined patterns and outlines everywhere
There are paths and traces for it all:
A cigarette is flicked, and a line of fire flows behind it, until it stops on a surface; one hand waves, and many hands follow
I hear moving music and feel it deep inside, and changes my emotions and sight
Everything is great
I smile and laugh constantly at what I see and feel
I take in the emotions and thoughts of people around me and feel the need to help
Try and make them as happy as I am, finally
Water is my gasoline, as it should be
I have he ability to reason out all my thoughts from before and set things in stone
I’ve lost almost all touch with physical reality
I’m in the place that “God” really created
I’ve been there the whole time, but never really saw it, until now
“It is so real”
I say while standing in awe of a tree under a light

Once my mind is nice and comfortable, my physical body is able to be manipulated
I can feel every muscle in my body
I have complete feeling and control over every inch
Stretching all, long and hard, gives me a boost
It’s a powerful control
I look myself over as if I’m a new person in a new body
I am
Places in my mind that were once detached, now flow as one
As all things do
“Know Thyself” repeats
I do now
I understand myself, and all things around
I speak with animals, as they do me, without words being spoken

I am complete, and happy

Until the world darkens my spirits once again
In which case, I shall travel to the amazing land of Acidius again
To regain control over life

Mind and Body

There is a place high into the sky.
A place where you can see the rise and set of the sun.
See all the beautiful colors the sun emits:
blue, pink, orange, and purple,
clouds clutter ever so nicely.
The moon shines bright and full,
stars twinkle and dance in the sky.

This is the place where my dreams and mind lay.
I’ve made my home there, I’ve make my bed
high above the world and all the people in it.
My heart and soul live there too.

My body lies between

My body reaches for the rest of me.
I’m pulled, my face in shock and horror.
I’m giving in to the ways of the world.
Little by little, pieces of my heart come to me,
fragments of my mind come after.
I manage to keep my soul there.
Struggling to put every piece back together in the puzzled sky
so that my body can finally fit in,
but the gravity of the world, tugs at the soul.
I refuse to let it go!

Help me put the pieces back.
So many questions, so many ways, so many different things.
Some say yes, some say no
but I say maybe.
Do I give in to the world?

Do I give in to the world and everyone in it?
I stare at the sky and wonder.
The clouds encircle the spot my eyes lie.
My hopes, dreams, wishes.
My home is still in sight.
Showing me there's still a path, still a way.
Don’t give up and don’t give in.
Keep hoping, keep wishing, and always dreaming.
Reach higher, and Push harder.
Soon I will reach my dreams, be home, live up high,
and prove once and for all
there are many different roads,
Some bumpy, some cloudy,
hard and winding,
but they all still lead you home.

My Soul is there.
My body and heart is here.
But I only have half a mind.

Life on the Sun

        Bigger and Biggers are roommates in a house on the sun; they’re real actual people, not aliens, not wearing weird suits; they’re just like anyone else on Earth, except they live on the Sun.

Biggers comes home from work; unloading Trash Ships from Earth at The Shining Dock, and travels around dumping the trash down tunnels in Sun Spots; (How else would the sun keep burning?); it’s a hard, all time job.

He flops down on the couch and lets out a deep aggravated sigh; picks up the remote beside him and turns the T.V. on to the Looking Channel; he watches people on Earth swimming, lying on the green grass; looking at the blue and white sky, feeling the soft breeze in their hair; and having fun in darkness, with bits of light twinkling above them.

He stares in a daze, not moving at all.

Bigger bursts through the door, with a huge smile on her face, and plops next to Biggers, “I have it.”

“Have what?”

“The ultimate experience. A new drug I just came across.”

“Oh really? What’s special about this one? It’s not like that Tab crap that makes me feel like complete shit after all the fun, is it?”

“No…”

“Or that fuckin’ Biqour shit…”

“No, it’s like Sid, Roomy, and Jane, but better. Way better.”

“I like those. So what is it?”

“DMT.”

“What, no fancy name? What does it stand for?”

“I don’t remember, but people on Earth call it dreaming. They do it when they sleep.”

“What the hell is sleep?”

“I don’t know. It’s something Earth people do when it’s dark.”

“Oh well, it doesn’t get dark here.”

“No. But this shit is naturally in the brain. So it just happens. Sometimes even when they’re wide awake.”

“Well, what’s this dreaming shit like?”

“Not sure. The thing about this is that most can’t remember anything that happened afterwards.”

“What? Then how do you know it’s happening?”

“When you wake up. You just know and feel like you’ve had the most amazing experience in your life. The best thing you can ever think of, is possible to do.”

“Anything?”

“Anything.”

Biggers looks at the T.V. and contemplates the situation, “I’ve always wanted to leave this place, and go to Earth, and do what they can do…” 

He gets up and goes to look out the window to see yellow, red, and orange, flowing and bubbling around radiantly. Streams of lava flaring, arching, and splashing into each other. He looks up and out to see blackness, with the glow of the sun fading into it; then he turns to Bigger, who is watching him curiously, “I want something so much more than this damn place.”

“So do you wanna try it?”

“Absolutely.”

Bigger giggles and pulls out a bag, and Biggers sits back on the couch, “So what do we do?”

“Ok, most people just smoke it. You get a real intense trip. But it only lasts for like 10 minutes.”

“Why don’t we just do more?”

“Could be dangerous.”

“If it’s natural, how can it be dangerous?”

“ Nature has some fucked up shit. Don’t ask dumb questions. There is such a thing as too much of a good thing.”

Bigger prepares everything to smoke the Dreams, then lights it, and blows the smoke out slowly. They pass the pipe for a while until they start to relax, lay their heads back, and close their eyes. 

They stay this way for several minutes.

They gradually begin to wake-up, smiling and stretching, “That was awesome.” Says Biggers.

“Yeah. I don’t even know what happened, but I know I liked it.” Bigger responds.

“Everything was so real.”

“I know.”

“Could you imagine what people on Earth dream about? Probably some fantastic shit.“ 

He thinks, “I’m sure that’s what I dreamt about, Earth.”

“Earth, why?”

Dumbfounded, “Do you not watch the Looking Channel? They have everything on Earth: water, grass, a sky, night, sleeping, dreaming; hell, everything we have here, we get from there. We work all the time to keep half of them warm and bright. Some of them hate us, but we all envy them. I mean, it’s not like I can move there, I was born here, my body couldn’t take it, unless I look goofy.”

Realizing, “Wow. I never really thought about it.”

With the thoughts in his head, “I do, all the time.”

“So what are you going to do?”

Biggers glances at the T.V. for a bit, then window, and back to Bigger, “How much of that do you have on you?” Curiously, “Enough. Why?”

“I can’t stand this place, and I can’t leave; I want to sleep and dream my life away.” 

Points out the window, “I want to live on Earth.”

Wondering, “What about your job?”

Blowing it off, “They have no sense of time, I’ll tell them I got lost; this place looks the same, they won’t know the difference. Besides, if people follow behind me, then maybe we can  have night here for once, and we can all sleep naturally.”

“Well…”

“You goin’ with me?”

She debates, then is reassured, “No, I kind of like it here. But I’ll let you have fun.”

Bigger gives Biggers the rest of the Dreams, “I hope you wake-up at some point. And try to remember. So you can tell me about the most hardcore trip ever.”

“Will do.”

Bigger goes toward the door, then stops, “Can I watch you leave?”

“Sure.”

Biggers engulfs all of the dreams, right there, and slowly passes out; arms crossed, head back, eyes closed, and a slight smile on his face. 

Biggers smirks and sighs, “Huh. Looks peaceful. And happy.”

She pats him on the leg and walks off; opens the door out into the fiery world, and closes it; leaving Biggers behind to live.

Dream a Dream,

And Sleep a Day.

Always Seems,

To be the Right Way.

Girl Rap

This is a rap I wrote for me in a duo rap between me and my boy Jerry Mouse. We never actually put it together, and don't remember what his half said, but here's mine. I'd actually like to create this fully someday.

Shake it over here, shake it over there,
Shake it like this, shake it like that,
Shake that ass but don’t break that back,
Ain’t no other girls workin’ it like that

No girl, don’t think that I’m sly
I’m not
A guy
To go fly by
I’m actual-ly a nice cool guy
Who won’t
drop lines
to make you cry

Let’s take it slow
Let’s take it serious
That smile you got
got me curious
about what you’re thinkin’
I hope I’m not mistaken
Put those eyes away
That spiki spiki sparkle makes me wanna piki play

But my nervousness
Won’t let me say
What I need to say
Let’s have a talk
A conversation
Let’s have a drink
Remove the tension
Wait
Did I mention
The way your hair flows
And the way that it glistens
Makes me wanna say “Oh shit son!”

Don’t take him
He’s a real dick
I really know what makes you tick

Kiss You When it Rains

(First song attempt)

I’ve had troubles on my way,
On my way through life.
I struggle to find that something
That so many people found.
I know there are others like me
Searching all around

And when it seems to be in reach,
The misery and loneliness stains

We all search for happiness
Within our lives and in ourselves.
Struggle to find that one thing
That’s hidden from our eyes.
If I could just see right through
I would never die.

If I could have what love can bring
That would mean everything,
To me.

Somehow the rain seems to help me
Washes my worries and my pain.
As the rain falls I can see,
There’s an understanding with me,
And the rain.

The rain drowns away my sorrows,
To another place.
It carried me through tomorrow,
Until I saw your face

You make me happy like the rain,
You can make me sane.
My happiness trickles through,
Only when I’m with you..

Chorus-
I wanna kiss you when it rains.
Then I can feel complete.
I wanna kiss you when it rains.
Feel the happiness inside of me.
Kiss you when it rains,
Let my dreams come to be.
Kiss you when it rains,
Fill the happiness inside of me.

Wash our minds and clear our fears,
Happiness and love are here.
Feel the rain cover us,
At the lips connect through us.

Let our bodies soak it up:
Everything that’s flowing through.

I saw this in my dreams,
I can’t believe it’s happening to me.

This is like a dream come true.
Let the rain flow on through.
Happiness and love pours down.
I only want to be with you.

Now you’re the one who knows me.
You can understand me.
You have my heart, you have my soul.
Let our love forever flow.

Live our life and have no fear,
In the rain our mind is clear.

Chorus-
I wanna kiss you when it rains.
Then I can feel complete.
I wanna kiss you when it rains.
Feel the happiness inside of me.
Kiss you when it rains,
Let my dreams come to be.
Kiss you when it rains,
Fill the happiness inside of me.

Kiss you when it rains.
Feel the love flow through us.
Kiss you when it rains.
Have happiness and the trust.
Kiss you when it rains.
At the lips connect through us.

K-9s and Felines

Have you ever paid enough attention to people to realize that guys really are like dogs, and women are like cats? Of course you have. It's a common concept, but here's how I have experienced a situation fitting it perfectly.

There are these girls that live in this big white house right next door to me. They come out to walk their dogs, let the cat out, and just hang around outside a lot of the time. Anytime I see them, out of my good nature, I just go over and have a little chat with them. Just to talk and hang out. For some reason though, it always feels like they are trying to seduce me. They give me those looks, and pet my arm as they speak to me. I’m surprised they don’t purr in my ear. Of course, come to think of it, that would actually be a pretty good turn on.

Anyway, that’s beside the point. The point is, that when they do this, I get this visual in my head of them walking in between my legs and brushing the inside of them. Their tail gliding up, down, and around my leg, then raising their ass in the air saying, “Who loves kitty?”
“I do, I do!”

But I don’t say things like that. That’s why it’s in my head. I don’t give in to those playful kitty looks, most of the time. Especially when they have boyfriends! Don’t piss where another man has pissed until he is done completely and not coming back to moisten the process.

After I shoo the kitties away, I can’t help but watch them leave. They walk off and move like a cat’s behind. Slowly swaying up and down, left to right. My crotch seems to start lunging forward and barking, but I slap his nose and run to the house in pain.

A few days later after one of these incidents. I go over to the house to give the girls a bit of information that they might want to know. I was just being a good nice neighborly person. I go to the house and knock on the door, and this tall, skinny, dumb looking redneck opens the door and automatically bows up to me, “Who the hell are you?”
  “I’m Aslan. One of the guys that lives next door.”
Sounds reasonable enough, right?
“So. What the hell do you want?” he says to me not changing any dumb looks.
“Take it easy Fido,” is what my face says to him.


I mean, hell, I’m just trying to pass along some fucking news and he looks like he wants to start something just because I’m there. I’m surprised he didn’t quickly run over to his girlfriend and piss all over her, just to prove to me that she belongs to him.

Then I get in his face and say, “Who the hell are you buddy?! This is my territory! I pissed on all these trees before you even thought about visiting your girlfriend at her new house! Don’t mess with the fuckin’ lion or you’ll get your face bitten off!”

What really happened, oddly enough, was something completely different.
“I was just coming over to tell your girlfriend that I found her cat lying dead on the side of the road,” I said to him, hoping that he would feel like shit for acting like a meat head.
“Cool. Thanks, I’ll tell her.”

Then, he shuts the door. That’s just like a dog to not really care what happens to a cat. But I’m sure if I pet “his” kitty he’d get all kinds of worked up. I just turned back and went inside my house. I did the good neighborly policy. I just don’t understand why we guys want to fight just because someone walks in an area, that may or may not be, their territory. They need to be watching their girls more than controlling them because that just pisses me off. If I get pissed off, then I will piss him off by pissing on her and making her mine! They already purposefully give me cat scratch fever. They shouldn’t make me have to fill my prescription.

Now, I’m not saying I’m not a dog. I just don’t like to keep cats on a leash. That’s just awkward.

Magic 8-Ball

A man with thoughts swirling in his head
takes a blank prism and holds it in the tips
of his fingers, he feels every edge.
On one side he puts thoughts
of love: The wanting for it,the sound of it,
the meaning of love, the red lust, purple passion,
moonlight kisses, and dancing with the stars.
On another side he places thoughts of life:
His future, what’s right, what's wrong, the wonder
of why people do the things they do.
He must put money on. The way it pays for everything,
how it can actually buy happiness and materialistic things,
and how green is the color of greed.
He thinks of having fun. Being able to do what he wants
and willing to take all the consequences,but work always has to be shared
with having fun. Finally, he puts the challenges of the day.
Dead lines that need to be met, family problems, his exhaustion,
red lights and stupid people.
He places the thought-full prism
in the empty black 8-Ball with the blue oily liquid.
He closes it, and the ball begins to shake in the palms
of his hands. It stops and turns it over. Like magic, it reads,
“Try Again Later.”
He shakes it again and again.
All the time, every time, the same answer.
He can never stop his mind from tossing thoughts around.

Engagement

An English Sonnet

Loneliness and despair are on their way
through my ever questing, wandering life.
I’ve been anxiously awaiting the day,
to discover, embrace, my future wife.
I’ve sympathized with so many others,
looking for the same old magical thing:
attraction, warmth from another;
Not some meaningless and lust ridden fling.
When the radiant white gem is in reach,
black oppressive misery swiftly stains
happiness. Safety is what we all search
for, but sharp, agonizing pain remains.
I yearn to find that one great emotion,
blood rush that will set love in motion.

Love-ish Me

In our age of love now, people have lost touch with love all together. People use the word love profusely and without meaning, diminishes all thoughts and feelings of the actual emotion. People exploit themselves to the world, and then wonder how certain things happen in their lives. Exploited by Facebook, and by spreading sex to everyone, rather than spreading actual love.

Sex is at the peak of the pyramid for love in our modern age. I’m twenty-two years old and a senior at a state university, and have never seen so many people love sex so much. Everyone wants to have sex, and some want to base an emotional relationship on sex, but that really doesn’t work out to well. Not everyone can have a good relationship based just on great sex. Unless the couple has confirmed to each other, or in their own heads, that the relationship is just for sex and don’t care what one another does, as long as they are there to give them sex whenever needed, but you won’t find people often who would really want a relationship with that bases, but many people are in many different “relationships” constantly, so, I could be wrong. No one knows how to deal with themselves at all anymore. Yet, it is still important, for many people in my generation to have sex in order to feel comfortable, or have fun.
“Man, why you hang out with that girl? She’s a straight up bitch!”
“Yeah, I know, but she knows how to ride.”


I couldn’t tell you how many people around my age, in my high school graduating class specifically, who have already married and had a kid, or just had a kid, and had to turn their life around. I’m sure that’s not too much different than the past, but it’s growing more towards that direction, as opposed to setting a good life, and planning for the future, before the future comes.

Don’t get me wrong, there are still chivalrous gentlemen, people having fun while planning for the future, and relationships based on other qualities than just sex; but it’s harder to find. I’m not trying to judge anyone on how they run their life, it’s just how it is now. Many my age were born of wedlock, and parents get divorced; and many follow their parents footsteps.

After hearing a lot of people, I found that many relationships started from having sex after, or during a party, not from dating. It was said that dating was a good way to know if you wanted to have a relationship. Not now. Now, it’s sex first, know each other later. Then, emotions get tangled, people go psycho, get attached, fight; condom breaks, girl forgets to take her birth control; purposefully or accidentally; and things go wrong, sending life in a spiral; to plummet, or keep steadily spinning in the air.


“So let me get this straight. Jon dated Sue and Gill dated Karen, then they all broke up. Jon then dated Karen and Gill dated Sue. Sue got pregnant from Gill, and Gill is now dating Karen, again; with a baby from Sue; and Karen and Sue are sisters living in the same house?"

What?! How and the hell does someone let that happen? The baby would call Gill Uncle Daddy!

One thing that doesn’t help relationship status is Facebook. So many people put their entire lives on Facebook, and it only complicates things. Some will get suspected of cheating, get their heart broken because someone hasn’t put their relationship status to “In A Relationship With…,” They get broken upwith on Facebook before the other person even knows about it. Some get weird stalkers who send messages,
  “You look great in your profile picture. The nurse outfit is hot, and I’m a nursing major. I love  nursing.”
(A guy raises hand in back, "Guilty for that one..")


But, whatever, people can run their lives however. Just know that whatever you don’t want people to know, don’t put it on freakin’ Facebook, at all. Don’t put your address on if you don’t want strange people waiting for you on your porch when you get home. Don’t put your phone number on if you don’t want random people calling,
“Hey, what’s up Jenny? This is Kyle.  I was just looking at your Facebook profile. I see you’re an Aquarius. I’m an Aquarius too. I also see your looking for dating, a relationship, or random play. Just wanted you to know, I’m down if you are.”
(Raises hand, "Guilty again...Damn!")

Strange things can happen from Facebook. Personally, I put whatever on there, and anyone who judges me because of what‘s on there, is dumb. Things change and people aren’t often what they appear to be. The only way you really get to know people is talking face to face. Which is why dating is a necessity in a relationship, but many have lost the meaning in the word dating.  Dating does not mean in a relationship, it’s working towards a relationship.

I even know a girl who claims to some people as being married four times, and she can’t be any older than twenty-one. Know why she claims to have been married four times? Because she labeled herself  “Married” on Facebook to four different people. No one can really claim to have been married, just because of freakin’ Facebook, that’s ridiculous. This whole thing is being taken to a whole new stupid level. I know people who aren’t homosexual that label themselves as “Married To…” on Facebook to someone of the same gender. Why? I don’t know.


Not only is there no privacy on Facebook, there’s none in actual relationships. Some people think that if they aren’t around their significant other, or talking on the phone with them; they have to text on the phone. That’s just as distracting as being out of the room for a long time to talk, but they have to inconvenience everyone around by constantly looking down to text on the phone, and not even pay attention to the conversation in front of their face. That’s just rude. Everyone needs their space and not to be smothered, but some don’t really care,
“I need to keep in touch with My Boo at all times. He’s been known to be a playa.”
There’s even been times when people get in fights because the way the text was typed, the other person had a different meaning to what was stated:
A girl texts,
“Hey baby. What you doin?”
He texts back,
“nuthen sleepin jus sleepin.”
 The girl begins to wonder,
“Is he just sleeping? Or was that a stutter, a hesitation? He sleeping with someone else and almost let it slip? He clearly typed fast.”
Then she texts,
“Are you sleeping with someone else?!”
Her cell phone rings, it’s him. She answers in a judgmental tone,
“Hey.”
“I’m sleepin’. Hear my voice? I sound tired right? Because I’m sleepin’, don’t text me if your gonna get all worked up.”
“I’m sorry baby. Call me when you get up.”
“K bye.”
He hangs up. She feels guilty, then thinks,
“He didn’t say I love you. Does he love me? He was quick to say bye. Was she waking up and he was in a hurry to put the phone away?”

No, he was in a hurry to go back to sleep. Of course, he could have been sleeping with someone else, but she shouldn’t judge because of a text, or the way he hung up. She should just go right over and find out, and if he’s not, then there’s make-up sex for barging in the room. If he is cheating, then beat both of them, and don’t take him back, no matter what he tries to say or do. Everyone wins!

The one thing that does savor a lot of loveable feelings from me towards humanity right now, is the fact that some people do find and stay with the ones they actually love, even if it’s the same gender. They seem to be more in love with the person, rather than the idea of being with that person.

There are people out there who are married “the right way” and probably would be happier with someone of the same gender, but they go along with the standard because they are afraid to follow what they truly want. Afraid because of what society says or will say. Just like how people felt about interracial marriages when they started, but many are okay with that now. Why is this any different? (Because God said so isn’t a reasonable answer, sorry, that’s a whole other subject on its own). People who are openly in homosexual relationships are flat out saying,
“I’m with the person I love, and I don’t care what anyone thinks.”

That is how love should be treated. If you feel strongly enough to love someone and want to be with that person, and only with that person, then it shouldn’t matter what gender they are. Happiness is so hard to come by these days, it should be cherished anytime it comes. All anyone ever wants is to be happy. So, if something good makes you happy, then do it, fuck what everyone esle thinks. You are who you are, be that person. Homosexuals are the perfect example of this. I’m not saying homosexuals are perfect because no one is perfect. They are like any other person, except they aren’t afraid to show their true selves and what, or who, they truly love.


I’ve seen a relationship when there were two women together, but the way they presented themselves and reacted to each other, was just as if it were a man and woman in a relationship. I’ve seen two guys in a relationship acting like a girl and a guy.

Of course, homosexual guys seem to be the most extreme people in relationships because you can clearly see a distinguished four couple quality to them. By that I mean two guys fighting as if it were two guys and two girls fighting each other at the same time; that’s a whole different story.

The only difference really is physicality, and that shouldn’t matter because the way we use our mind is the only difference between each person. Our mentality is even the thing that makes us different from animals because I can guarantee that if animals could think like we do, then there would be no problem for some people to be with animals, which is not agreeable; nothing said about homosexuals applies to “inner species erotica”, mainly because of the psychological difference, but also it is disgusting. (Again, this too is a whole other subject).


All in all, the world now, according to me, is diminishing in love in the old ways and creating new ways of love. I am an old fashioned type of guy believing in romance, true love, chivalry, dating, heterosexuality, beauty of mind, not throwing the word love around, and loving someone because of who they are, not because of good sex. But I also believe in having an open mind and coming to terms that everything is changing, and there is absolutely nothing anyone can do about it, ever. I love and embrace that fact.