K-9s and Felines

Have you ever paid enough attention to people to realize that guys really are like dogs, and women are like cats? Of course you have. It's a common concept, but here's how I have experienced a situation fitting it perfectly.

There are these girls that live in this big white house right next door to me. They come out to walk their dogs, let the cat out, and just hang around outside a lot of the time. Anytime I see them, out of my good nature, I just go over and have a little chat with them. Just to talk and hang out. For some reason though, it always feels like they are trying to seduce me. They give me those looks, and pet my arm as they speak to me. I’m surprised they don’t purr in my ear. Of course, come to think of it, that would actually be a pretty good turn on.

Anyway, that’s beside the point. The point is, that when they do this, I get this visual in my head of them walking in between my legs and brushing the inside of them. Their tail gliding up, down, and around my leg, then raising their ass in the air saying, “Who loves kitty?”
“I do, I do!”

But I don’t say things like that. That’s why it’s in my head. I don’t give in to those playful kitty looks, most of the time. Especially when they have boyfriends! Don’t piss where another man has pissed until he is done completely and not coming back to moisten the process.

After I shoo the kitties away, I can’t help but watch them leave. They walk off and move like a cat’s behind. Slowly swaying up and down, left to right. My crotch seems to start lunging forward and barking, but I slap his nose and run to the house in pain.

A few days later after one of these incidents. I go over to the house to give the girls a bit of information that they might want to know. I was just being a good nice neighborly person. I go to the house and knock on the door, and this tall, skinny, dumb looking redneck opens the door and automatically bows up to me, “Who the hell are you?”
  “I’m Aslan. One of the guys that lives next door.”
Sounds reasonable enough, right?
“So. What the hell do you want?” he says to me not changing any dumb looks.
“Take it easy Fido,” is what my face says to him.


I mean, hell, I’m just trying to pass along some fucking news and he looks like he wants to start something just because I’m there. I’m surprised he didn’t quickly run over to his girlfriend and piss all over her, just to prove to me that she belongs to him.

Then I get in his face and say, “Who the hell are you buddy?! This is my territory! I pissed on all these trees before you even thought about visiting your girlfriend at her new house! Don’t mess with the fuckin’ lion or you’ll get your face bitten off!”

What really happened, oddly enough, was something completely different.
“I was just coming over to tell your girlfriend that I found her cat lying dead on the side of the road,” I said to him, hoping that he would feel like shit for acting like a meat head.
“Cool. Thanks, I’ll tell her.”

Then, he shuts the door. That’s just like a dog to not really care what happens to a cat. But I’m sure if I pet “his” kitty he’d get all kinds of worked up. I just turned back and went inside my house. I did the good neighborly policy. I just don’t understand why we guys want to fight just because someone walks in an area, that may or may not be, their territory. They need to be watching their girls more than controlling them because that just pisses me off. If I get pissed off, then I will piss him off by pissing on her and making her mine! They already purposefully give me cat scratch fever. They shouldn’t make me have to fill my prescription.

Now, I’m not saying I’m not a dog. I just don’t like to keep cats on a leash. That’s just awkward.